Should You Marry for Money?

By MP Dunleavey on Friday November 20, 2009
This post is about couples


marriage and moneyConsider the marrying habits of the Pimbwe women of Tanzania.

A study published recently in the journal Human Nature, found that Pimbwe women tend to pick multiple mates—and their remarrying strategy seems to convey an economic advantage, as measured by their ever-expanding network of kin and the survival of their children.

What can Western women gain from how another tribe views the material benefits of mating?

The compelling nugget here is that, like the Pimbwe women, it's smart to be financially self-protective when choosing a mate.

Does that mean you should marry for money?

Not exactly. What the Pimbwe women seem to practice is more like serial monogamy for economic stability.

As Dr. Monique Borgerhoff Mulder, the study's author, said in an interview with The New York Times, "[W]hat my data suggest is that Pimbwe women are strategically choosing men, abandoning men and remarrying men as their economic situation goes up and down.”

Obviously, there's a limit to what you can extrapolate from one far-off culture. But some evolutionary experts say that women's ability to mate in their own self-interest has been given short shrift.

Clearly, Pimbwe women, who operate as economic equals in their society, recognize their own value. Do we? Today, women hold nearly 50% of the jobs in this country, 40% are the top wage earners in their households, according to Time's recent report on women's status.

If marriage means sharing your wealth, strength and assets, there's nothing wrong with making sure that it's a wise investment.
Comments (19)add
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written by Karen , November 20, 2009
Sure, we need to be smart and strategic about ALL of our decisions in life. And, while I appreciate the message of empowerment for women, there's more than a slight suggestion in this post, with research as justification, that you should dump a guy who's not financially successful to go for one who is. I'm all for getting ahead, but ICK! The message here seems quite retro -- isn't telling women to rely on a mate to stay economically stable something our mothers were taught in the 50s?
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written by Amanda Steinberg (DailyWorth founder) , November 20, 2009
Karen, that is *definitely* not the message we intended. I'm going to defer to MP to respond since she wrote the piece. Again, definitely not the message as intended. MP?
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written by anne Johnson , November 20, 2009
That's definitely not the message I got. I think the last sentence really sums it up. You're investing in your husband for life. That means sharing wealth, debt, everything! It would be best to choose a husband who is responsible with money... not necessarily a guy who's rich.
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written by jeanette , November 20, 2009
I loved this post! In my twenties I would never have considered basing a romantic decision on economics. But that was before I chose my career, bought a house and started saving for retirement. Once I did decide to settle down it was so clear that I needed to think carefully about my potential mate's orientation towards money. Ultimately, I ended up with a spouse who makes a lot less money than I do (but who persues a career he really loves) but has similar attitudes about money, and who is really savvy about investing - a skill I completely lack. It turned out to be a perfect match!!!
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written by MP Dunleavey , November 20, 2009
Thanks, Anne and Jeanette--love this point:

"Ultimately, I ended up with a spouse who makes a lot less money than I do (but who pursues a career he really loves) but has similar attitudes about money, and who is really savvy about investing - a skill I completely lack. It turned out to be a perfect match!!!"

My husband also makes less than I do (financially), but he is fully half of our partnership in terms of what he invests. That said, we have struggled to arrive at a shared view of money. Honestly, if I could do one thing over again with him, I would have ironed out our financial wrinkles BEFORE we married. And I bet that he would agree. We'd be in better shape now if we'd done that, I think. At the time, it just wasn't a priority. Being in luv and all. ;-)
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written by Fashion Without Guilt , November 20, 2009
I completely agree with this article. I do think women these days do not like at marriage as a investment in their future as well the man. We marry for LOVE and are poor and struggling for the rest of our lives.
I am no where saying that you should marry for money but do a little financial research before saying I DO.
When you marry you assume your partner debts, Good and Bad.
Why should I be financially stable and marry someone that can bring my finance well being down.
All I am saying is to be more selective about who you choose to marry. Look past love and see that it takes more than love to pay the bills and keep everything together.
I will be selective myself on who I plan on calling my husband.
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written by Anonymous , November 20, 2009
Oh dear. I suggest the author read "Persuasion" by Jane Austen. It's a good story, about putting first things fist. In the meantime, I'm close to unsubscribing if Daily Worth continues on its recent trajectory. Money is important, but it's a means to something else, not an end in itself.
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written by Mikelann Valterra , November 20, 2009
One of the points of Daily Worth is to stir up conversation! And it always does that, so bravo. So many women act like money shouldn't be important, but it is. It has a huge impact on us. Getting on the same page financially with your partner is huge. You may make different amounts of money, but if you can talk about money and plan together, you'll probably be okay. I work with tons of couples who earn a lot more or less than each other. That's not often the issue. It's about their communication and values. Of course if you marry a serious underearner, that is a big bummer for everyone. (It can be a bummer for men to, to have to shoulder the entire financial burden.)
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written by anonymous , November 20, 2009
I agree with Anonymous. I, too, am offended by the article and think that this piece is totally off-base with what you are trying to relay. I worked and married my husband as a 50-50 partner and when we decided to have children, I quit working to be a stay-at-home mom. Also, before that, my husband and I moved from one coast to another to pursue something other than what I married. So, the message I say is marry for love and the rest will come. Also, live for yourself and do what makes you feel happy! All the money in the world does not buy happiness.
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written by Cindy , November 20, 2009
I "got" the article - and it was thought provoking...as a counselor I have worked with women who put "luv" before common sense, with serious financial difficulties following these emotional decisions. I think the message of the article can definitely be inferred as women valuing themselves enough to include financial stability now and in the future as a reasonable facet of looking at life partners. And as other comments have defined - it ISN'T about the money - it is about responsible decision making in all areas of one's life. TRUE love (not just emotional passion), spirituality, finances and responsible decision making are ALL intertwined in mature adults.
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written by Me , November 20, 2009
Coming from a woman who married young for love, and now earns 3x what her husband does, a husband who has run us into debt and has no concept of savings, well, I'd say that this autor is giving excellent advice. Keep them coming Daily Worth!
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written by credit union , November 21, 2009
I am not the person who die for money and take such desicion for money. As money is not with us forever. But ya in today's selfish world there are so many people who think money is everything and they marry for money and regret for the whole life.. I just wanna tell them money is doesn't matter but emotion and love does which can't buy by money..
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written by Anonymous , November 22, 2009
I think the best way to clarify this is to ask, how would you feel if you learned that someone married you "For Money". I'd feel pretty used. This isn't to say one shouldn't check out someone's basic common sense, financially, just like one would be cautious about STDs or other such things. But the idea of "Marrying for Money" has a connotation of using another human being, and that's not nice, whatever end of the transaction one finds oneself on. Marriage is such a complicated, package deal, that singling one factor out seems pretty narrow minded. One's life partner is one of the biggest determinant of one's happiness, and while debt and poverty can break happiness, money cannot, in and of itself, come anywhere close to making it.
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written by Twice , November 22, 2009
I agree wholeheartedly with this article. I know that some may misinterpret it, but I am certain that it is important to be on even terms with one's partner in terms of money. Money, in this instance, is not material wealth; it is purely financial responsibility. Why should anyone devote themselves to somebody who neglects the practical issues of relationships? There are so many various aspects of relationships that it would be naive not to consider all of them before getting serious. Obviously love is important, but money is an aspect of relationships wherein the measure is tested. It is an excellent indicator of how two people work together on a real-world basis.
Congrats to those whose marriages survive on love alone. That, I should say, probably suggests that they are not much different in financial matters themselves, even if they do not realise it.
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written by Cynthia , November 23, 2009
Well said "Twice". I certainly didn't marry for money, but my husband and I agree on most money issues and therefore I feel I have a rich life. 20 years together and still counting.
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written by sleeprun , November 26, 2009
...ethnographic data is always good, there are monkey studies as well that are useful..."far off cultures" are not really, because:
- the human brain is the same in all cultures
- humans face the same challenges in all environments

...the male/female system is THE most successful at getting and using resources in all environments, for the goal of passing on ones genes - aka raising kids, who will raise kids, who will....etc...

...women's brains evolved to maximize them getting resources to raise kids....guy's brains to "hunt"...women who will raise kids, as well..pretty simple...
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written by sleeprun , November 29, 2009
..this is a good vid from TED which is up to date on gender brain research and social implications...http://www.ted.com/talks/helen_fisher_tells_us_why_we_love_cheat.html
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written by 3jennn , December 01, 2009
As we have seen all too clearly in the last year, money can come and go. If you marry for money, what do you do with with your spouse when their money is gone? Being on the same page with how you handle money at all is what counts, especially when times are rough. I met my husband in grad school, when we both were living nearly in poverty. We had the best times together; we still do! And I knew then that no matter how much money we'd ever make, we'd be happy together even if we lost it all.
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written by Bissy , February 04, 2010
I found the article thought-provoking, I wish I could marry just for love but I know love doesn't put food on the table. when I decide who I will marry I will not just be considering the way I feel when I see him, I will also be evaluating how he handles money and his financial plans for the future. I am financially independent and want a man who is at least my equal, sorting out finances before you marry someone is logically, a man can be a good husband and father and be terrible with money and that can cause undue pressures in a marriage or family. I will definetely marry for Love and Money. MP - thanks for writing this, some of us needed to know we were not the only women who consider these things.
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