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Earning: Chuck the Rescue Fantasy
By Mikelann Valterra Monday November 30, 2009
Mikelann Valterra is the director of the Women’s Earning Institute, a money coach, prosperity teacher, speaker and published author. Check out her blog here: www.savvywomenearning.com. Why do many women struggle with earning enough money?
We could give you 15 different answers, and each one would ring true for someone. Women don’t negotiate as often as men do; we still earn less for comparable work, and so forth.
But there's another, deeper issue that many women need to address: the fantasy of being rescued.
The rescue fantasy can be disguised in many ways. It's not always a fairy tale scenario (charming prince, castle, etc.). Yet many of us cling to the illusion that somehow, some way, it won't be up to us to earn what we need to earn.
- Your investments (or home) will appreciate enough that earning won't be an issue
- You'll inherit enough money so that you'll always be okay.
- A big idea (screenplay, website, business) will make you millions.
Fear drives the rescue fantasy. Perhaps you're overwhelmed by what it would take to secure your financial future. Or you fear that you can’t earn enough money doing what you do.
Women often worry that they don't have the right money skills—they can never be financially competent.
Enter...the person or event that (in your dreams) will save you.
These fantasies aren't bad in and of themselves. But when they shift from occasional distraction to unconscious financial backup plan, you put yourself in a passive position, never earning or planning up to your potential.
So name your rescue fantasy. When we become conscious of our rescue fantasies, we can finally let them go—and discover the power to rescue ourselves.
Mikelann Valterra is the director of the Women’s Earning Institute, a money coach, prosperity teacher, speaker and published author. Check out her blog here: www.savvywomenearning.com.
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Written by katherine getta, November 30, 2009
I have been independently making an income, raised a child alone, and have been self employed for over 25 years. I still have that money problem, asking for what I deserve. It is a fear, for me, that I won't get the job, when I know that I am worth every penny I charge and certainly worth the going rate of a qualified designer. My fantasy of being rescued is simply a second income in my household to lighten the burden—in the form of a male companion.
Written by Aimee, November 30, 2009
I made a decision a long time ago to never rely on a man for income...and be helpless in the way my mother was. I am by no means well off, but what I do have I have earned for myself. I would like to see more men abandon the "rescue her" mentality I have encountered so often.
My rescue fantasy must be the "big idea", but knowing that doesn't prevent me from working towards it. I'm just now learning how to manage money and planning for my future. Thanks for being a part of my learning, I appreciate these posts so much!
My rescue fantasy must be the "big idea", but knowing that doesn't prevent me from working towards it. I'm just now learning how to manage money and planning for my future. Thanks for being a part of my learning, I appreciate these posts so much!
Written by Vilija, November 30, 2009
The last sentence is the main.
Can it be that not everyone has this rescue fantasy? As for me I'm just not able to keep my money unspent :)
Well, quess I have a lot to learn...
Can it be that not everyone has this rescue fantasy? As for me I'm just not able to keep my money unspent :)
Well, quess I have a lot to learn...
Written by Kimberly, November 30, 2009
I guess if I had to come clean, I'd admit that my rescue fantasy involves having the "big idea" strike and make me millions. On the other hand, I've been working and supporting myself since I was 17, and I'm in my 40's now. And I am just now, at this late stage, finally believing in myself enough to ACT on my dreams,pursue them with a vengeance, and make my "big ideas" a reality. It feels good to be here. : )
Written by samsstuff, November 30, 2009
For me, I guess, it's the idea that somehow I will be rescued from having to work jobs that pay little, either monetarily or in mental fulfillment; jobs for which there is little appreciation on the part of higher management, other employees or even, the public. It's difficult to ask for what, inside, you know you're worth, when all outside indications show that not only will you not achieve your goal, but you'll be knocked down for even trying. It's easier to hope for rescue, especially if you've been knocked down more than once before. We continue to try, but we have less hope, each time we fail. Maybe it's a female thing, maybe it's the economy, maybe it's a fear thing. It's certainly an interesting question, maybe we do all have a bit of a rescue fantasy hidden at the back of our thoughts. Thanks for posting!
Written by sarah, November 30, 2009
Hmm this post kind of rang true for me - I'm waiting for that "big idea" to make me rich - but at the same time, what else are we meant to do?! It's the hope that "it" will one day happen that keeps you going when you have those crappy, busy, unsatisfying, unproductive days!
I invest in four property and yep, I do hope that the value of the properties go up, so I can one day supplement my job income with the profits. But that's careful planning and investment, not hoping for a rescue strategy - and I don't want to "let go" of that fantasy! I think there's a difference between blindly hoping for something to happen, and careful and purposeful planning..
I invest in four property and yep, I do hope that the value of the properties go up, so I can one day supplement my job income with the profits. But that's careful planning and investment, not hoping for a rescue strategy - and I don't want to "let go" of that fantasy! I think there's a difference between blindly hoping for something to happen, and careful and purposeful planning..
Written by MP Dunleavey, November 30, 2009
Sarah's comment is interesting, regarding her real estate investments: "But that's careful planning and investment, not hoping for a rescue strategy...."
I think the danger or drawback is when we view the fantasy as a capital P plan. Sarah's plan may work out--and maybe others' will too (finding a companion, hitting it big). In the meanwhile, are you making the most prudent decisions? Are you thinking for yourself? Are you covering all your bases, while you wait for that ship to come in? As someone who has suffered from her fantasies, these are the questions I've asked myself....
I think the danger or drawback is when we view the fantasy as a capital P plan. Sarah's plan may work out--and maybe others' will too (finding a companion, hitting it big). In the meanwhile, are you making the most prudent decisions? Are you thinking for yourself? Are you covering all your bases, while you wait for that ship to come in? As someone who has suffered from her fantasies, these are the questions I've asked myself....
Written by Mikelann Valterra, November 30, 2009
Wow! I love everyone's comments! And yes, I also love what Sarah ended her comment with: "I think there's a difference between blindly hoping for something to happen, and careful and purposeful planning." As the author of this post, I also want to be clear that marrying a wonderful person and having a second income in a family isn't a bad thing. Of course not. Being part of a team is a beautiful thing. But if we then don't pursue our careers as much as we would have if we didn't have this "prince charming", it then harms us. Same with the big idea. Hoping that a big idea pays off is awesome. Working towards it is key. But if we just wish/hope it will happen without the work, or the fantasy of it happening distracts us from doing the real-life daily work of consistently earning our worth day in and day out, then our rescue fantasy keeps us from doing what we need to do. Keep posting! Isn’t awareness grand.
Written by Jenn, November 30, 2009
I definitely fall into the big idea category. I have been thinking a LOT about whether or not I am wasting my time pursuing my entreprenurial dreams. I am trying to do it debt free. Does that make it better?
Written by Christine, December 01, 2009
something good to keep in mind in all this: the definition of "enough money" - it's an elusive target and different for everyone.
some already earn enough money but live outside their means. some aren't struggling with earning enough money so much as they're struggling with being content with what they have.
I have to remind myself that I am already rich, so that I can have joy, so that I can be grateful, so that I can be generous. Compared to most of the world (easily 95%), we're all rich.
some already earn enough money but live outside their means. some aren't struggling with earning enough money so much as they're struggling with being content with what they have.
I have to remind myself that I am already rich, so that I can have joy, so that I can be grateful, so that I can be generous. Compared to most of the world (easily 95%), we're all rich.
Written by Terri deLangis, December 03, 2009
Hi Mikelann,
My first thought was, "who's Chuck?" I had to "chuckle" at that one. Great article as usual.
My first thought was, "who's Chuck?" I had to "chuckle" at that one. Great article as usual.
Written by SillyLittleLady, December 12, 2009
Sarah's post struck a chord with me. My rescue fantasy is probably my entrepreneurial dreams but I am currently in college and working toward those dreams while also making sure I have something to fall back on (my degree) if they don't happen, or at least during the time that they take the mature.
Nothing comes easy, especially for women in this world, but I am stubborn enough to stick with my dreams and make them happen. As much as I complain about school and how miserable it makes me, I won't leave because I don't want to be dependent on anyone else.
So I guess what struck me about Sarah's post was that I am carefully and purposefully planning my life so that my dreams will come true, but I also have a back up plan just in case...
Nothing comes easy, especially for women in this world, but I am stubborn enough to stick with my dreams and make them happen. As much as I complain about school and how miserable it makes me, I won't leave because I don't want to be dependent on anyone else.
So I guess what struck me about Sarah's post was that I am carefully and purposefully planning my life so that my dreams will come true, but I also have a back up plan just in case...
Written by Julia, February 06, 2010
I grew up with my parents telling me "when we win the lottery I'll buy you a house/car/vacation etc". I actually heard my sister repeat that fantasy a few weeks ago. I have been trying to rid myself of it but found that I just replaced it with the "when my big idea hits i'll ..." Thankfully I force myself to save as teh back up plan but have only recently even begun to be brave enough to negotiate my pay check. I see many, many people who work ordinary jobs think that if they buy stuff that looks expensive that's what makes you rich so they consume en masse. They have wardrobes full of clothes that are completely worthless once purchased and all sorts of plastic gadgets that end up in the garage. It's not easy but I am forcing myself to stop spending on things that hold no value and rethink my relationship with money.
Written by Kathy, February 22, 2010
My marriage of 17 years ended three years ago. Now, reality has settled in. I have no desire to marry or live with anyone again. I like my freedom to do as I choose. It took me 1 1/2 years before I realized that I could buy a pair of shoes because I wanted them. What a rush! I always thought that when I recovered from my marriage breaking up, I would meet someone else and get married again. It is not going to happen. I do date but I find men want to rescue me. This time around, I will do it on my own with no rescue fantasies.
Written by Air Jordan shoes, April 12, 2010
How wonderful article, I am very interested in your story!
By Air Jordan shoes
:)
By Air Jordan shoes
:)
Written by PRUITTMyrna, May 20, 2010
I would like to propose not to hold back until you get enough cash to buy goods! You should get the credit loans or just auto loan and feel yourself fine
Written by FlippingWebsite , June 29, 2010
I was bounded with debts and financial need, you know what rescued me? The one that I was thought my Second Income
Now I'm free and I consider this online job my primary source of income.
Who needs a man just to have money in the pocket? *_*
Now I'm free and I consider this online job my primary source of income.
Who needs a man just to have money in the pocket? *_*
