Written by Denise Rahart, January 14, 2010

It's nice to have such honesty about money. I am open and honest like that because it helps me be accountable. I LOVE to shop. I don't always buy, but I shop a lot. I like to get ideas (my excuse). My problem is that I do end up buying things I don't need. You shop three days in a row and you are bound to make a purchase or three. However, I married a serious spender. Like forgoing rent for a Wii spender. I am having to be the responsible one and am HATING every minute of it. The only thing I've found that works for me is to split my monthly bills so that I'm applying close to the same amount on bills each pay check, but still leave myself some room. In order to stick to it, I pay everything that I have budgeted for that pay period as soon as I get paid. I get paid Wednesday at midnight. Thursday morning I pay all the bills budgeted. I have my savings directly depositted so that I never have that money in hand. The same for extra retirement accounts. If I don't get it then I don't miss it. I just joined the saveUP group and started an ING OSA. The ONLY reason I've been able to do this is because I talk about it. When I have to say outloud what I bought and know that I'm going to have to tell my husband, I think twice. It's all about accountability for me. Glad you were so honest, it's a great start.

Written by Amanda, January 14, 2010

You go girl! Take one day at a time and next time you are in line at Starbucks, ask yourself, "Do I really need this latte?"

You'll save $ in no time - quick little tip. After every day, I empty all my change into a jar- you will be surprised how much you can save - a penny is a penny.

Written by Amberly, January 14, 2010

It's time for me to make a change. I am trying to save up in preparation to moving to NYC. It's pretty expensive up there, so I need to get a hold of my finances NOW. I'll be following your progress, so maybe we can learn from each other. Thanks for sharing.

Written by Rachel B, January 14, 2010

I have the same thing to say that I told my sister when she called me crying in a panic about her finances: you don't need a gym membership. This is ~$30 a month, and that translates into ~$360 a year. This is money that could go towards your wedding. Putting on your tennies and walking the dog is free, not to mention great for both of you. Take your honey, too. My husband and I have had some of our most intense discussions (good and bad) walking the dog.
I would also recommend reading "Your Money or Your Life" by Joe Dominguez. It's easy to understand and gives you some things to consider regarding your attitudes towards spending and earning.
Good luck!

Written by Roxanne, January 14, 2010

Wow, I feel your pain. I'm in a similar position, in about as much debt as I earn per year. It's really tough to dig your way out, and it feels like it will take forever. You are taking the right first steps. Ignorance is indeed bliss: finding out exactly how much I owed was like stepping on the scale at my first Weight Watchers meeting - frightening, but necessary in order to move forward. Best of luck.

Denise, I like your method - paying everything first before you have the chance to spend. I'm going to try it and see if it helps.

Written by SB, January 14, 2010

You may want to re-think getting married to your unemployed fiance, and if you really want to marry him...consider getting married at the courthouse.

Written by LoveMeMore, January 14, 2010

When I had to get a grip and learn to budget I split my paycheck between 2 accounts at two different banks. I have a bill account where enought is deposited every week to cover all the monthly bills and my everyday account which is for gas, gorceries and whatever I "need". I rarely swipe my bill account card, only if I missed a day or two from work and I NEED somethig (usually gas or groceries). And at the beginning of every month I make a budget. I write out how much will come in and on which payday bills can get paid. I also looked into additional income. I became an Avon rep (www.youravon.com/ChardaePerry) and a rep for Temptations Parties (www.ChardaesTemptations.webs.com). I use that extra income if I fall short on bills, to save for something big or to support my shopping habit. I also got a better grip by making note of every penny spent for 4 months, it really helped me see where money was going. After analyzing that I cut off the cable and land line, and got cheaper internet service. I also brown bagged breakfast, lunch and snacks and saved a ton!Much luck to you, you can do it!

Written by Aspiring Millionaire @ MyMillionairePlan.com, January 14, 2010

Good for you! I really respect your honesty with yourself. It's not easy. One of my friends told me once that if something is uncomfortable for you and you're struggling with it, it's probably going to make you grow.

As I am reading your article, I am taking baby steps to organize my own financial situation and I really thankful for your inspiration.

Written by DD, January 14, 2010

Getting a hold on your finances definitely takes time, but it can definitely be done. I am in the process of saving for a condo, and I had to take a serious look at where my money was going, because I wasn't able to save anything at one point. I ended up writing out a budget and tracked every single dollar that I spent (credit/debit and cash) and I was amazed at all the times I'd spend "just a couple bucks" here and there - it totally adds up! However, once I could see where my money was going, I knew how I could take a step back and make better choices. Now, it's almost like a game to me - how much money can I save this month? Although I've had to cut back on certain things (shopping, buying lunch, etc.), I know how excited I will be when it comes time to make a down payment on a condo, and how making short-term sacrifices for the long-term goal will have been totally worth it! Best of luck!!!

Written by MACKLOO, January 14, 2010

First, SB...really? Don't be rude, how about contributing something useful!
Second, Danielli, it's great to hear I am not the only one with money managing problems.
I seem to spend on $$$ on items I don't need...then I am short when it comes to bills. My new goal
this year is paying bills FIRST, then spending $$.
I am also picking up a part time job, and not eating out anymore. It's crazy how much eating out adds up!
I admire your strength and courage to come forward and share your journey to financial freedom with us!

Written by Jen Walsh, January 14, 2010

When you lower your cost of living (i.e. how much you spend on dumb things), you'll be surprised how much you can actually do with little money and quickly start wondering where all your money went before. It's a hard adjustment at first, but once you adjust it's easy as pie. However, it's easy to quickly return to old habits. Good luck!

Written by Victoria Drake, January 14, 2010

Thanks for sharing. You're being brutally honest with yourself and a bunch of strangers. I'll give you credit for that. It's a good way to learn for all of us. I'm in a great position right now for doing something I've always wanted to do -- SAVE! Don't forget savings. It is so important. With a solid savings, you can make big purchases later and avoid the debt trap.

Written by Jennifer, January 14, 2010

I'm just so happy see that I'm not alone.
Like you, I've got a mountain of debt (failed business venture), a good job and am considering a wedding in the next 18 months. I'm making my bills and stashing away money in a 401(k), but it is one paycheck to the next.
What is the magic formula to balance out what I see as the three big financial pulls: Enjoying life today, paying down debt and saving for the future?
Thanks for coming forward.

Written by Samantha, January 14, 2010

Yes, money management is hard, but I would suggest not going it alone. You must also make your fiance accountable, especially if you are going to be married. You should sit down and do this together, as neither of you want to be the bad guy but want to help each other. I found I do best managing the money when I keep track on a daily basis of all my expenses. By keeping a little journal tracking everything I am spending money on I can see where it is all going. But also, I think you need to prioritize - I don't think gym membership, for example, is a necessary expense. Good luck with it, I look forward to your next instalment.

Written by Leon F, January 14, 2010

The best way to have money is to start Saving Money and if you want to do it RIGHT, HIRE AN EXPERT with the free help of TAXMAMBA.COM

Written by Sara, January 14, 2010

OMG, your post is honest and I can't wait to read more! I am sort of in the same boat, although I've always paid my bills, I then just put more on my credit card. Isn't that the vicious cycle after all?

I'm hoping, realistically hoping that this year, I can take my extra earnings (I started my business, slow but steady) to pay down some debt, and I'm taking all extra money (bonus, tax refund) and putting that toward paying down debt. I'm trying to realize that I don't need starbucks everyday (although, I've reached a point where I dislike my job so much it makes me go to starbucks as an escape!!), but I'm starting to see that I don't need that new bottle of lotion until I finish the bottle in my cupboard. Just because there's a sale doesn't mean I need it.

I'm rambling, but my point is, I'm $40K in debt and I make around $60K, so I feel you. We can and will do this! Until the next article.

Written by SB, January 14, 2010

MACKLOO: My comment was useful. What could be more useful than seriously looking at who you're marrying and whether or not they are financially responsible? Also, getting married in the courthouse would save her a lot of money.

Written by amber, January 14, 2010

I'm in almost the same situation... heavy debt, almost as much as I make, and my partner lost his job due to the housing market crash (he's a surveyor), so I've been racking up the debt just to make it month to month. We've gotten rid of pretty much every "disposable" thing, and now we're moving to a smaller place to help make up some of that money so I can pay down. It's not going to fix everything, but it's a start. I'll definitely be keeping up with your posts!

Written by melis, January 14, 2010

This is so so refreshing to hear, lately I've felt like the only one in the same boat as you! I've actually even listed my car for sale so that I can pay down my credit card with that money. Thankfully my dad is willing to loan one of his extra cars to me for a few months until I get more financial stability. Student loans are crippling, too! I've finally learned to say NO to my friends enticing happy hour calls. I will certainly keep up with your posts, good luck, you (we)can do it!

Written by Amanda, January 14, 2010

First - way to go! It was really inspiring reading your blog post and I can't wait to see how it all goes... really. I share your financial concerns and woes and from my own experience, getting on top of it is such a challenge...

As for planning a wedding - I bet you will have a lot of insight into having the wedding you want with a budget you can afford: another great blog or book!

Good luck!

Written by Kirra , January 14, 2010

HI Danielli, It is such a familiar story! I am still recovering from being loose with credit back in the day of being in my twenties and having no perception of being financially responsible, saving etc. Over a period of a decade I managed to acquire about 50,000 in credit (more than what I currently earn in a year) and then recently bought a house on my own with a small income (long story!). When the proverbial hit the fan, I started talking to my creditors and have managed to have the interest payments stopped on all cards, and I am quietly paying them off week by week. I make sure that the mortgage is paid as top priority. I have set it up as a direct debit out of my account, so that I don't even see the money (no temptation to spend) and I also have a part-time job which pays cash, so I try very hard to live off the cash only and not dip into the account. Easier said than done sometimes when cars need fixing etc, but over the past three years I have been able to watch my credit debt slowly but surely reduce. At times things can be incredibly tight, but those days pass and somehow things lighten up again. I am using this time to really reflect on my old ways with credit, and the emotions and thoughts behind impulse purchases, and I must say I have learnt a lot about the way consumerism works. I know with certainty that I will never use credit again, and finally understand the advice of my parents, which was "if you don't have the money for something, you don't buy it" - which seems obvious, really. Since the GFC (global financial crisis) hit, I think that as a society in general we are reassessing our ways with money, particularly the credit system, and also the whole climate change awareness is bringing us back to reusing, recycling, and definitely addressing the casualness of our throwaway society and the financial and environmental impact that has created over time. So, in the bigger picture, I think all of what is happening is wonderful - difficult, challenging, confronting, but actually helping us to learn what it is to live in right relationship to this planet, one another and the life force that sustains us. Bringing about balance and harmony - if we can find it in our individual lives, then the planet too may again enjoy the sweetness of harmonious living. Good luck with your journey, don't lose faith or be discouraged in the tough times, it will get easier as you build momentum, and there are a lot of people supporting you right now so may that carry you along the way.

Written by Sarah R, January 14, 2010

Same situation, different decade. I'm 34, make approx $73K and have $42,781 in debt. I started with $54K and in the first 8 months, I not only paid down my debt... I continued charging. Wasn't the best strategy as it turns out. However, in the last year, I got serious. And I've paid off 22% of my starting debt. I also have a realistic debt-free goal of mid-2012. It would be faster but I have nothing to sell and getting freelance work (or, rather, getting it to follow through!) has been really hard over the last year. It's totally possible though.

I know it's scary. My biggest tip is not to go it alone. Start subscribing to blogs about getting out of debt. Join yahoo groups about debt. Read books (Total Money Makeover is a great start). Watch shows like Suze Orman or Dave Ramsey or Til Debt Do Us Part. Get yourself motivated.

I'm on a couple of blogs and online communities and I have to say that it's was the single most helpful thing I did. Because here's the truth you know but don't fully grasp: this is hard. Harder than you think. And probably harder than you're ready for. But you can do it. I had a really hard time in the beginning (beginning meaning 8 months apparently) But now, I see what I've achieved so far and I'm so excited about my journey. I actually like saying, "I can't afford to do that." And I just had someone hassle me for being so "tight" that I can't get a haircut til my next paycheck and my response was, "no. I just have a budget and I stick to it. My money has things to do and places to go."

Good luck. You're definitely not alone!!!

Written by MJ, January 14, 2010

Hi Danielli... I hadn't intended on commenting. But after an hour of not being able to get you off my mind throughout my entire yoga class, I figured my subconscious had something it felt I needed to say. :) I applaud you for doing what you're doing. It's not easy to a) have dirty laundry, and then b) air it. So that courage deserves a two-fold applause. That said, one additional thing you may want to consider (deeply) is the why and the how behind your current situation. ie: Why did it get this way? And how did it get this way? Because until you do, while you might fix things on the surface, there's a chance you could suffer a recurrence down the road. (It's like going on a crash diet. And then re-gaining the weight.) I find when it comes to finances, we need to rewire what we equate "pleasure" with and what we equate "pain" with. ie: I find having a lot of money in the bank, and therefore NOT shopping, very pleasurable. I find walking out the store with no bags in my hand euphoric. And I find the act of slapping down the plastic on something that really isn't going to increase the overall fabulousness of my life (be it a fad, or a snap-purchase, or something junky) painful. So it comes down to reversing your current definition of pleasure and pain. (I'm sure I heard Tony Robbins say this somewhere at some time! So I credit him!) Thanks though, Danielli. Your honesty rocks! Just remember: Saving = yay! Spending = blah.

Written by dana joy, January 14, 2010

totally supporting you! thank you for such beautiful transparency. you can do it.

Written by del, January 14, 2010

It's so refreshing to read an honest post about someone in a less-than-perfect financial situation. Danielli, I applaud you for being so brave and coming out to total strangers about your finances. I think writing out your goals and announcing them publicly, as well as keeping regular track of your progress, will be a huge step in getting your debt paid down and sticking to a budget.

I strongly recommend reading the background story of Trent Hamm, the author of the blog thesimpledollar.com. It's inspiring and helpful, and might give you some ideas on how to put together a plan to get out of debt and build some savings.

For what it's worth, my four suggestions to help you on your journey are:

1. The snowball method of paying down debt worked for me. It's where you calculate the largest amount of money you can afford to put towards debt repaying, and pay the minimums on all of your debt except for one credit card or loan (usually the one with the highest interest rate). Once you pay the minimums on your other loans, put the remaining, larger amount of money towards the loan with the highest interest rate. Once you've finished paying that loan off, start putting that amount every week/month towards the second-highest-rate loan, and on and on. The feeling of satisfaction when you pay off your first loan or card is a real motivator.

2. Build up an emergency fund immediately. Make it a priority. This is extra important since you live with your fiance who is unemployed at the moment. Break down your savings goals to an amount you can put aside weekly; it seems way more manageable that way. It would be great to have six months' worth of living expenses, but when I built up my first emergency fund, I made do with three months as a goal in order to make it seem more manageable. Once I hit three months' worth of living expenses saved, I just kept saving the money until I hit six months' worth of savings. You have a Wii now, so that's at least one source of free entertainment!

3. Rachel B's suggestion to read "Your Money or Your Life" is excellent. This book changed my way of life, and my way of thinking and being a consumer. I can't recommend it enough! Even if you don't follow all of the author's suggestions, it opens up a lot of thought and discussion about what is considered 'normal' to buy and spend your money on in our society. So much of what is considered necessary today is actually in some way a 'keeping up with the Joneses'. Until about 5 years ago (I'm 32), the ideas I had about what's normal to spend at my salary (back then it was $50k) were totally out of line with my actual income and goals. I thought it was normal to go out to dinner a few times a week at $50 a pop was normal, along with taking two trips a year at $2000 a vacation. When I sat down and calculated what I needed to put aside to have a bit of retirement money, as well as build up a financial safety net, I realized I was living way beyond my means. Spending the way I was doing would not let me save as much money as I wanted. It took a while, reading a lot of personal finance books and blogs and websites, but I finally was able to start thinking of my retirement and emergency funds as equally important as things like vacations and dinners out. It's so much more fun to get the instant gratification of a vacation or dinner in a nice restaurant, than it is to put the money somewhere where you don't see it for a long time and there is no immediate reward. One of the rewards of building up an emergency fund is a huge feeling of relief when you don't have to constantly be worried about what would happen if you lost your job, or if you needed money quick for an emergency like an unexpected hospital bill.

4. Would you consider spending way less on your wedding than you originally planned? This is a big one. A lot of peer and family pressure and expectations ride on spending a ton of money on your wedding. It's not uncommon in North America to go tens of thousands of dollars in debt for a wedding. Personally, I feel that it's a lot easier on a marriage to start off together as a couple with less (or no) debt, even if it means sacrificing the storybook wedding. Unless you have a lot of extra money, or someone else with a lot of money is willing to pay for your lavish wedding, it might be best and most realistic to set a very small budget for it. The budget should be just what you can save up until you plan on having it. This may sound disappointing, but financial stress and argument are a big cause of marital discord and divorce, so this is an important point to consider.

Thank you for sharing your story with all of us. Good luck, and I will definitely be following your story and cheering you on!

Written by Cass, January 14, 2010

DO NOT GET MARRIED!!! Your boyfriend QUIT his job. This relationship might be part of the problem.

Written by Shuling, January 14, 2010

Thanks for sharing your story honestly with us. Hopefully with the added support from everyone here at DW and needing to put regular updates on your progress will help you achieve your goals. You can do it! :)

Written by renee, January 14, 2010

Sitting in the same place...and your words are bringing a courage that I've wanted for a long time. So...I am going to try to do what you do. Saying that feels rather foolish because I have no idea what your next step will be, what your values are or if you will jump off the high dive with me sitting on your back. But I like your first step...finding out where you are. That is what my first step is going to be, also. I will let you know via this little comment box how my story is coming, as you keep all of us updated on your story.

Written by Rachel R., January 14, 2010

Reducing or eliminating your use of credit cards helps. I had to cut all mine up in order to stop using money I didn't have. I after the sting from that wore off a bit I created an auto-transfer from the account my paycheck goes into to my savings account. It's hard to miss money you don't see. It's tough out there, but I'm sure you can do it. Keep your eye on the prize!

Written by Nancy Rae Evans, January 15, 2010

Danielli and other readers: I commend you all on your courage. Taking action to change behaviors is not easy , especially since overspending is a socially acceptable behavior, like drinking alcohol. As a Counselor in Training with the Financial Recovery Institute (you've read Founder Karen McCall's posts here on Daily Worth), I wanted to let you know that you can get one on one mentoring to accelerate your progress at a reduced fee through the Financial Recovery Institute. Contact This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it for more info.

Written by Amanda Steinberg (DailyWorth founder), January 15, 2010

Danielli, as the founder of DW, I want to thank you openly for the courage to share your story. In the DW year-end survey -- personal accounts are the #1 thing our readers asked for (2nd most requested item: to include the complete DW in the email email and not ask readers to click). It's not easy to share yourself publicly, but I know we all really appreciate it. We hope that by going public, you can feel the collective support we all offer to you in finding your way back to financial health. We're all rooting for you.

Written by MP Dunleavey, January 15, 2010

@Cass--please be kind. We are just getting to know Danielli. Words of support are useful. Uncaring words of criticism can be VERY VERY HARMFUL. If you were in a financial pickle--and for all I know, you may be--what would you want to hear?

Everyone else, yes, Danielli has a lot of courage. And she is working really hard to figure stuff out. Her story is a great one. Stay tuned to hear more.

Written by RiRi, January 15, 2010

Danielli,

Congrats on taking the first step to being financially responsible. It gets addicting! I have a question for you. It's great that you are taking charge of your financial status but how is your fiance going to play part in this? Is he going to live off his savings and pay 50%/50% for all fincances or are you going to start paying for things such as groceries, movie tickets etc for both of you? I tend to always go out with men that makes less than me (while they chase their dream) and have ended up paying more in rent, groceries, outing costs and sacrifice my hard work earned $ while they coasted by and it's not a great feeling. What kind of rules are you going to make between you two so that it won't drain your finances?

Written by xl, January 15, 2010

Danielli,

Despite some of the negative comments on here, I hope you move forward with your plans. I don't know or your boyfriend but be honest to each other and really open your heart and mind. I've been married 13 years and for the longest time, I thought to myself my husband didn't care about me. I'm the breadwinner in the house so to shoulder the responsibility is huge. I've given up on my husband being a breadwinner but at the same time, he is the better parent to our children so there's a tradeoff. But to the point, my mother passed away a year and a half ago and the love and support my husband showed was enormous when I didn't see it all along because I had closed him off somehow. I guess I'm trying to say the two of you are the ones to make the decision and to provide support for each other.

As far as the wedding goes, it's one day of your life. Having a very expensive wedding does not determine how much you love each other. You'll have the rest of your life to make each other happy and to take trips down the road to make up for it which will keep you two bonded.

Thanks for sharing.

Written by Jennifer , January 15, 2010

Danielle, I too have Bi-Polar disorder ( as well as A.D.D, Clinical Depression, PTSD) & money issues....I have "bit the bullet" & contacted a local agency that advocates for those w/mental illness. So thrilled & thankful there is help out there for people like me (us). You may want to Google N.A.M.I. if you have not already done so. Good luck & I look forward to reading more of your posts : )

Written by Tina, January 15, 2010

Good luck. I got out of debt. Building up my savings and other things I need to do to get my financial house in order are still in the works. My friends are helping me stay on track. The constant challenge for me is not closing down to their generosity. Sometimes I feel very ashamed of not having it together yet. I am 53 years old. In my case, I struggle with dividing my time and energy on organizing myself and helping my parents with their finances, health problems, etc. I think its great that you are taking responsibility for yourself in this regard. it seems like you have a lot to offer your community.

Written by CJ, January 16, 2010

Danielli,

It is so refreshing to hear your complete financial honesty! I'm certainly in a similar position right now career-wise, debt-wise, and my spending habits are pretty much on par. Although I don't have a fiance or pending wedding, I want to be in a financial position to do all of those things and think about purchasing property when the time comes! My biggest challenge is admitting that I don't know how to handle my money - as an intelligent and independent woman, I should know how to be fiscally responsible, right? But when your female role models freely spend it's easy to get used to the idea that you can spend money on things that in reality exceed your income. Your story reminds me that I'm not alone, and that it's okay for me to seek help in whatever way I need!

Thank you for being so incredibly brave - and I wish you all the best of luck in getting your debt situation under control! I look forward to following your progress :)

Written by Jodi, January 16, 2010

Danielli,

Thanks for posting your blog. It's encouraging to know I'm not alone. I recently had to come to terms with reality about my debt. I've always had a budget, but then after weight loss surgery, went from eating for comfort to shopping for comfort and got out of control. In two years, I've racked up $55,000 in debt. I never added the bills to the budget, I'd just pay them out of my savings as they arrived in the mail. Now, my savings is almost gone and it hit me finally. I sat down, figured it all out and realized that my savings will only pay for three more months of the credit card bills, then I'll be $725 a month short of paying all my bills on time. Worst of all was admitting this to my husband who knew I was buying a thing or two here and there, but assumed most of my new smaller clothes were coming from family & friends (they have given me a lot, but I've bought most of them and lied about it). I gave my husband what's left of my savings and asked him to put it in a separate "bill money" account and when it's time to pay bills, we look at what I need and he gives me just enough to cover the bills and I online pay them right then. I'm looking for a part-time job to help out and have cut up and closed all my credit accounts. I don't carry cash and leave my checkbook and debit card at home unless I know I have to buy gas that day for the car. All our spare change goes in a jar and gets put in the bill money account each month. I've sold everything extra we have around the house, except for some smaller things that I'm gathering to do a garage sale as soon as our neighborhood does their spring group sale. All this has added two more months worth of bill money to my savings, so I'm slowly adding to what I have to keep us from going under. My husband's even cut back on eating out when I'm gone for work. He also cut out his daily special 32-ounce sugar free latte stand drinks ($6.50 a day) and purchased an espresso maker and in just over a month between it's paid for itself. He spends about $12 a month on the supplies (beans, syrup, milk) so for less than the cost of two drinks, he's got enough supplies to last him a whole month!

I'd be interested in finding out how Kirra who posted above was able to get the credit card companies to have the interest payments stopped on all her cards. My credit score is already trashed because of being at the high end of all my cards, and we own our house and our cars, so I'm willing to do anything I can with the creditors to get my payments to actually count toward paying them off. As you can see from using my savings to pay the bills and trying to add money to the savings to make another month's worth of payments - I can't add any extra to any bill right now. As soon as I can I plan to start snowballing!

I wish you the best and am hoping good things happen for you!

Written by Kat, January 16, 2010

Hey, I admire your courage--it takes a lot to stand up and say I screwed up. Here's my (probably contrarian) advice. Don't bother saving for the wedding.

No, I didn't say call off the wedding or get married in a courthouse. Sure, talk to the guy about money. It's important, but that's not the crux of my argument.

I'm going to make an assumption that a decent chunk of your debt is credit card debt. Best case scenario is that you'd get 2% on your wedding savings, and be paying ~9% on your credit cards. That's a spread of 7% under the best circumstances, and I sort of doubt you are under the best of circumstances in terms of rates. So you're probably looking at a spread of 12% - 18%, if not more.

With a spread like that, just pay down your CC debt as aggressively as you can and charge what you need/want for the wedding. To put it another way, every dollar you contribute to your CC instead of a savings account gets you 18% more wedding.

Will you increase your debt again when you charge the wedding? Of course you will. But you'll at least have saved yourself some money on interest by lowering your balance temporarily. And I bet you'll think harder about what you want for your wedding when you don't have a pot of cash labeled "wedding" that you've mentally decided you can blow, and instead have to put yourself further in debt for it. Knowing that should help you make some tough financial decisions about your big day.

Written by M. Johnson, January 17, 2010

Ah - why are you even (a) considering marrying a man who just up and quit his job? Is he going to do that during your marriage; (b) Why does your income now have to cover all of the bills - like he doesn't contribute to the cost and now is not contributing to covering the expenses? (c) planning a wedding when NEITHER of you have your financial act together? You have obviously not talked to each other on finances. You CAN get out of this and you CAN build a business and have the house and kids and everything. But it takes BOTH of you working together.

Written by Karen B, January 19, 2010

Yes! I pledge to save in 2010.

Yes! I already have a savings account that I would like to contribute to, or I will set one up. I am calling this account my ___Curve-Ball Fund or anything you'd like to save toward) savings account. I have already set it up.

Yes! I will automate this savings by setting up a transfer to happen every time I get paid.

Yes! I will start by saving 5% of my monthly income, or an amount that I am comfortable with, specifically $500 a month.

Yes! When I am confronted by fear, or hypnotized by the latest sale at Dillard's, I will choose my future and save instead.

Yes! I will be patient with myself, and I won't let small set backs keep me from reaching my goal of $6,000.00 saved by December 31st, 2010.

Written by Mindy, January 20, 2010

a couple of things- its one thing to know what you think you spend on- a whole other thing to know exactly what you're spending. fist- start using only cards. put all cash back inthe bank. i always say that cash slips through my hands because it leaves no paper trail. Use a service like mint.com. i love mint.com! i swear by it and have been using it since 2007. it automatically tracks everything out of your accounts and you can categorize you spending- you'll get accurate charts showing you exactly where every penny of your money is going because everything you buy will have a paper trail (remember no cash?). THEN you'll really really see how much all the little tiny purchases take up out of your spending (google David Bach's Latte Factor). NEXT set a budget in mint for what youwant to spend and let mint send you email or text alerts when you're close to going over budget.
NEXT set up a savings account where you can easily transfer funds to from your checking account. Every time you are about to buy something you know you don't need ( cup of coffe when you have it at work for free, a pair of shoes that are cute but that you don't need, or another 10$ cocktail) don't buy it and instead transfer the cash from your checking to your savings- whether the purchse is $3 or $30. don't watch the account and go back at the end of the month and see how much you've saved by cutting your frivolous spending. When I did this several years ago, I was making 25,000 a year living in NYC. I didn't believe I was spending foolishly- 3 months later when I realized I'd saved over 1,000$ in my frivolous spending savings account I was shocked!
all the small stupid purchases add up. get those in check along with tracking things automatically with mint, and you'll easily get the financial stability you want!!!
good luck!!!

Written by Danielli, January 20, 2010

Wow! Thanks for all the kind words, support and advice guys--it helps a LOT! Dealing with my finances on my own is stressful enough, but voluntarily airing my dirty financial laundry to the public had me feeling even more vulnerable, to the point where I considered backing out.

With such a positive (for the most part) response, I'm glad that I followed through. I'm both anxious and excited about my upcoming journey, and I'm really glad I have cheerleaders, empathizers and supporters along for the ride.

Now, with such a public display of what most people typically keep private, it's understandable that some criticism is headed my way, especially in regards to my relationship and fiance.

I felt it was important to divulge that information, even though I didn't have to, because it helps portray a more accurate picture of my situation. Unfortunately, it also allows people to jump to conclusions and make judgments.

Because I respect myself and my fiance, I want to set the record straight. I wouldn't have put the information out there if I didn't have faith in him or our relationship.

First of all, my fiance isn't a deadbeat. Like me, he isn't the most financially savvy, but he's a hard worker. A very crappy (and personal) situation at his job urged him to quit sooner than we had planned (so yes, him being out of work for awhile was something we were expecting), and I supported his decision (so yes, we communicate!) Had I not, he'd still be working his miserable, abusive and demoralizing job. Since then he's picked up some part-time work while he figures out what's next for him.

Secondly, we JUST got engaged. Not even one month ago. As THRILLED as I am, planning isn't a priority right now. But saving is. Our financial situation and progress will determine when this wedding is and what the costs involved will be.

All that aside, again, thank you all for the amazing support. I'll be using your comments as a guide as I build my goals and prepare my next post. Until then, take care!

Written by stephen ettinger, January 31, 2010

In reading your story I took note that there was alot of "I's" and very few "we's". If you can share living expenses with your friend,do you have joint accounts for household expenses,weddings,emergencies? Do you t have joint accounts for debt, like credit cards? In my opinion you are just playing house and haven't worked with him on being a lifetime partner. Until you two decide to be together in everyway, don't get married and have a big party. I've been married for 39 years and we plan for a lifetime, together.

Written by Amanda Steinberg (DailyWorth founder), January 31, 2010

Stephen, she just got engaged! Give the girl a break!

Written by Danielli, February 01, 2010

Thanks for having my back Amanda!

Stephen, while not the most tactful approach, I do understand what you're saying. But before you pass judgment on whether or not we should get married, you need to understand a few things about me...and "we."

I've been having these financial issues LONG before I met my fiance, it just happens that finally addressing them coincided with him proposing. Such is life; I'm happy. However, had I not met him, I'd still be having these issues. I said yes because he's the love of my life, not because I'd have access to his paycheck.

I have my personal expenses/debts/checking account. He has his personal expenses/checking account. We have our shared expenses/checking account. I handle mine, he handles his and we handle ours. Despite having our individual accounts, we know where each other's money goes. Whatever is left over goes into our joint savings account. Together we decide on how to use that money. Sometimes we use it for me. Sometimes we use it for him. Sometimes we use it for us. Sometimes we actually save it.

This is how WE operate. Just because you don't agree, doesn't mean we're merely "playing house" or don't want to "be together in everyway."

Just because we're a couple doesn't mean we've magically melded into one uni-being. We're still individuals with individual goals. He might be making less money right now but I'm the one with the mountain of debt, not him. We help each other when and where we can. Which means, YES, WE COMMUNICATE!

I'll be the first to tell you that we aren't perfect when it comes to money and there's PLENTY of room for improvement. We're working on it. But just because we haven't figured it out yet doesn't mean we're not serious about each other. Or that we're not in love. Or that we don't deserve to get married. Or that we're doomed.

We all have our own views on love. But this is not a relationship column. Yes, I know relationships are important to consider, but unless you know me and my fiance personally, then I'd prefer your PRACTICAL advice free from assumptions.

Written by CM, February 03, 2010

I don't mean to be rude but--- are you telling me your planning on MARRYING someone out of work who is letting YOU figure out how to cover ALL of the household bills INCLUDING your WEDDING?!!!!! *Sorry, that's me in mom mode. Reacting. We older folk, we do that. Just like Stephen. I shall now be practical*
Personally, I have no issue with the "I" language in your post, because the first thing a young woman, or any young person needs to do is get their OWN financial life in order. And yes, that includes HIM. It would be highly unwise for you to marry while he is jobless. Why? It is not a promising START in any relationship for the ONE wealth generating partner to be in that much debt, and the other partner to be without an income at the LAUNCH of the marital relationship. The male/female roles are irrelevant. That is a risky archetype.

I don't know if you're already doing this, but it does strike me that you BOTH need to put together a long term Marital Financial Plan for the period preceding your marriage and the first three years of your married life together. Too many young people (and I know this from experience) just let their financial life together happen as it comes, but don't make a PLAN together for a) what if one of us loses a job, b) what if one of us want to go back to school c) what are our long term goals together. Creating a PLAN together and committing to that plan will, among other things, help you find the support YOU need to deal with your current personal financial pressures, help the TWO OF YOU begin to find a common marital language for discussing money, and help HIM feel like he's making a contribution to the dialogue even if he is (temporarily I hope) not making a financial contribution. (From the outside I must be honest, him quitting a job before he had another prospect even while he was getting engaged strikes me as rash. Nuff said.)

I think that might be what Stephen, in his old guard, hostile to independent women, married too long and too quick to chastise based on old patriarchal paradigms manner might have actually meant. At least I hope so. Otherwise, he's just a jerk.

Oh, and Stephen... I can't think of WORSE advice than joining financially BEFORE the wedding. PLANNING for a joint financial life is one thing, joining your finances BEFORE you marry? Have you SEEN Judge Judy?! Consolidating a personal financial action plan, "I" language and all, while they're both financially healing and regrouping is NOT playing house; setting up joint financial arrangements without the legal support of a full marital contract THAT is playing house! Dialogue and plan together? Yes! But joint accounts BEFORE a marital contract is in place? While one partner is still financially regrouping and the other unemployed? RIDICULOUS! Dangerous and foolish for both of them! TERRIBLE ADVICE! They need to build their OWN financial power in their OWN respective names until they begin a JOINT financial power sharing relationship through marriage with all of the legal safety nets that go with it. DUMMY! Get your stupid male ego out of the way before you give a young modern woman advice! Because I KNOW you know how much her honey is hurting at not bringing in an income, and I KNOW your dumb advice is probably motivated by how YOU would feel knowing that she, in her "I" language, is empowering herself while you feel powerless. Guess what? Modern young men tend to be quite PROUD of their highly empowered women. Her FIRST obligation is to her own Personal Financial Plan and so is his. That's how they'll make themselves READY for joint financing within a marriage. So BACK OFF! (Mom mode again. Can you tell I've given this speech before?)

Good luck, young friend

Written by Christine, July 06, 2010

LoveMeMore- Two years ago I set up the exact same situation, two accounts-one for the fixed bills (think mortgage) and one for variables (eating and life). It's not going well. We always overspend on life and I either don't pay a credit card off in full (we have tried to do this for 20+ years) or I have to dip into savings to make it happen. I'm curious to know how you are managing. Thanks!