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Mind Your Money Manners
By Caroline Tiger Tuesday January 26, 2010
Caroline Tiger is an etiquette expert and the author of "How to Behave" and other books.
This rocky economy requires a quick review of basic money etiquette. Here, a few financial faux pas to avoid in 2010.
Le Gaffe: Constantly mentioning the amount you paid for things.Le Fixe: Price-dropping isn't a giant offense, but it's annoying. No one needs to know what you spent—unless it's somehow useful to them (or they asked). If you've been there, bought that, then obviously you can afford it, dahling.
Le Gaffe: Forgetting what friends can afford.
Le Fixe: If a pal seems reluctant to paint the town red—e.g. drinks at a swank hotel bar, a Saturday mani-pedi—put on some green-colored glasses. One gal's weekly treat is another's once-a-month luxury. Put out financial feelers before you plan, friends will appreciate your money manners.
Le Gaffe: Giving to charity in someone else's name, instead of a gift.
Le Fixe: It sounds high-minded, but giving to a cause in the name of a friend or relative isn't a gift for them. It's a donation by you. Before going philanthropic, inquire whether there’s something the person really wants—or needs.
Le Gaffe: You invite people to a party at a restaurant, then pass the check at evening’s end.
Le Fix: Be courteous by clarifying special payment arrangements beforehand—and give people the option to bow out. On the invite, say something breezy but clear: “I’m thrilled to celebrate with you, but given the recent collapse of my hedge fund, I can't pay for everyone!” Then, let guests off the gift hook by requesting, “No presents, please.”
Caroline Tiger is an etiquette expert and the author of "How to Behave" and other books.
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Written by Janna, January 26, 2010
Written by Ally, January 26, 2010
I have grandparents that are on a FIXED budget and relatives who just don't get that. One Christmas they asked why there were so few presents under the tree and guilted my grandparents into buying more presents.
Written by dreamcatcher, January 26, 2010
I have done the first two items, talking about how much something costs, and forgetting, or not asking what my friends can afford. the last two items I never done, because its not nice, I was brought up with the rule if you can't afford it you don't need it. But I do talk alot about what I buy how much it costs.I am so guilty of that. I worry alot about money, only because I don't have any, and I use most of it for paying down my debt. ugh.
Written by MP Dunleavey, January 26, 2010
I think one reason this piece resonated with us is that we've all done something along those lines. One upside of the recession is that it's encouraging greater honesty and openness--and we should all seize that opportunity to refine our fiscal tact!
Written by Lisa, January 26, 2010
Interesting article. I think sometimes people mention the cost because they are trying to be so **careful** with their money. Suggesting to go out and then ordering off the bar/appetizer menu or going to happy hour with half price drinks makes things more affordable.
Lisa
www.singleparentsavings.wordpress.com
Lisa
www.singleparentsavings.wordpress.com
Written by Melinda, January 26, 2010
I think I've got the opposite problem. I get so excited when I find a great deal at the thrift store, Penney's or someone gave me a hand me down that I always say when complimented about an outfit for example that it only cost $2. I wonder if that isn't cool either?
Written by Jen Walsh, January 26, 2010
I'm always bragging about my bargains too. That can't be bad, can it? I'm more than happy to share my secrets with them if they ask!! ;o)
Written by Kenia, January 26, 2010
@Janna - Yeah, I agree. When my friends and I make plans, we typically have dinner planns followed by a bar afterwards. Whenever one of us sends out the 'feelers,' we always ask if anyone is even up for going out. No one that declines is ever questioned, only missed, and the ones that say 'yes' well, it's always implied that each person pays for their own share, unless someone exlicitly offers to pay for someone else (i.e. they owe them, it's their birthday, or whatever). Even hosting at one's house, pot-lucks are welcome! With most of us less than 5 years out of college, and still paying off expensive student loans, none of us expects anyone to ever foot the entire bill (poor college student mentality), even if they are the one that sent out the invitation. I hosted a holiday dinner party at my house last year and my friends were more than happy to provide some drinks and sides, while I provided some drinks and the main entrees.
Written by Estrella, January 26, 2010
I think one thing that's uncool is when there's a big party going out to dinner and it's not decided ahead of time how to handle the bill. I think the fair thing to do is for everyone to pay for what they had, or to separate the bill as much as possible. It may take longer that way, but it's fair and someone's not paying for someone else's expensive taste. It's unfortunate that the person suggestion this always looks like the cheap person, but for people who are on a budget this is pretty important. There's always a few people who suggest splitting the bill between all parties but then someone gets screwed. Not fair at all.
Written by A, January 26, 2010
I am guilty of talking about how much I paid for things but it's usually because I'm so proud of the great deal I got. It's usually a discussion like this, "Nice sweater!" "Oh, thank you. I found it at Goodwill for $3!" Still tacky...there's no way to justify it. Maybe I'll add this to my list of resolutions for the year :)
Written by kateh, January 26, 2010
Haha - I'm right there with A on number 1... Is it wrong that I like those state farm insurance commercials where people are talking about the great deals they got while saving money during the recession? shoot!
Written by Steph, January 26, 2010
STOP THE WEDDING PARTY MADNESS!!! No one is taking out a loan to host your bachelorette party - pay your Mom for part of the shower, wear a dress that we are NEVER WEARING again along with shoes we are never wearing again, get our hair and makeup done and then you expect a GIFT! If I am shelling out over 1k for you ONE day - some hungry children better be getting fed! BRIDES:get over it!! It was all about you at your 5 year old bday party..now please grow up and stop robbing your friends!!!!
Written by Stacey, January 26, 2010
One that I can't stand is when someone says, "I have a gift card I can't use; would you like to buy it off of me?" If I had wanted to go to the store and spend the same amount myself, I would have!
Written by MP Dunleavey, January 26, 2010
omg these are so great! ok, first--i agree that mentioning a bargain IS different. that said, it may not be necessary. anna post always says that etiquette, fundamentally, is about making other people comfortable. (p.s. i sometimes price drop about a bargain in self-defense. ;-) which is silly. am i afraid to look extravagant? am i vain about appearing economical? for instance, i have these really cool Merrill boots, but i hate when people are like, "ooh, merrills!!!" b/c i actually got them on clearance for like $27!)
@Estrella--whoa YES. this is a huge beef with me under those circumstances. i.e. i don't mind splitting the check if it's just $5 here or there. but if everyone had drinks--and one person didnt', let's say--then they should pay less. period. and let's not even get into the wedding thing. holy cow.
@Estrella--whoa YES. this is a huge beef with me under those circumstances. i.e. i don't mind splitting the check if it's just $5 here or there. but if everyone had drinks--and one person didnt', let's say--then they should pay less. period. and let's not even get into the wedding thing. holy cow.
Written by betsy, January 26, 2010
I think always buying gifts for occasions which seems nice and thoughtful can actually be annoying. I just moved and a huge percentage of what I needed to put up for FreeCycle adoption were gifts. So I disagree that donations are a bad idea. If the people gave donations to organizations I work for instead of all these tsotchkes, a lot more good would have come of it. And less pressure on me to reciprocate.
Of course giving a donation to YOUR cause rather than the recipient's is tacky.
Of course giving a donation to YOUR cause rather than the recipient's is tacky.
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I always like to provide another way they can join in, such as "We are doing dinner at x for my birthday and I'd love for you to join, but if you can't please meet us for after dinner drinks at x bar". It gives them a way to join in without having to blatantly say they can't afford dinner out, for all I know they had other dinner plans...I think avoiding awkwardness with friends over money is of paramount importance!