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Love Your Mate & Your Money
By MP Dunleavey Wednesday February 17, 2010
Why do so many couples fight about money?
Because many of us lack the skills to have basic, house-cleaning conversations about financial topics.
Like all aspects of a relationship, financial intimacy must be nurtured, (slowly, patiently, lovingly) in order to grow.
Here, a three-part method to build financial rapport with your mate, simply by asking questions, inspired by this post on SavvySugar.com.
| Theme | Tone | Exercise |
| Step 1: Getting to Know You |
Playful | Swap ice breakers: What's your #1 money worry? What are you saving for? |
| Step 2: Getting to Know Us |
Inquiring | Explore values: How would you spend a raise? What's your ideal lifestyle? |
| Step 3: Becoming a Team |
Give & Take | Seek agreement: We need X and we have to pay off Y—what do you suggest? How much do we need total? |
Comments
(13)
Written by Amanda, February 17, 2010
Really great article. Totally agree that getting the conversation started is the hardest part. Yuck, no one likes to talk about money!
Written by Jennifer, February 17, 2010
This is soooooo important! Money is the topic that is almost never discussed before marriage, and it should be one of the first! Its just as important and religion, family values, cultural values, and number of kids! If you are one the same page (or at least in the same book) when it comes to saving and spending your life as a couple will be so much smoother/happier!
Written by Amanda, February 17, 2010
My husband and I dated for seven years before getting married, during which time we went to college and got our first jobs, so we had lots of time to get to know each other's money style and luckily formulated a lot of our philosophy together. That said, it still is stressful and it's very important to make time to sit down and plan together. We didn't see eye to eye on prioritizing money to pay down debt until we had lived it for a few months and realized that it was holding us back from moving on to other goals. I pay the bills, he handles investments, and we make debt decisions together.
Written by Karen, February 17, 2010
I can't even BEGIN on this one. I make more than my husband, who was recently laid off, he gets mad at me for certain expenses, but I earn all of our income now. Check back with me in a month when maybe we've cooled off a bit. It's just too emotional for me to even think about right now.
Written by Monette Satterfield, February 17, 2010
In my experience, even strenuous and nearly constant discussion of money issues won't overcome basic value differences. For example, if one partner views money as a way to show love and the other doesn't, it may be very difficult to compromise on the issue. Over time, however, couples may come to appreciate, if not share, the other viewpoint.
I'd like to see a deeper exploration of the similarities and differences in how men and women view money and use it in their lives. My own professional practice has shown there to be a wide variety of styles.
Thanks for starting a dialogue on a touchy subject.
I'd like to see a deeper exploration of the similarities and differences in how men and women view money and use it in their lives. My own professional practice has shown there to be a wide variety of styles.
Thanks for starting a dialogue on a touchy subject.
Written by Jill Porter, February 17, 2010
Thanks for these tools for starting conversations around money!
I also wrote yesterday on " Love and Money" on my blog. http://wp.me/pDpjD-20
I was inspired by this article by Kathy M. Kristof in the L.A Times http://articles.latimes.com/20...2010feb14.
Why do you think that we are all inpsired to write on this topic at this time? Economy causing increased financial stress leading to more couples fighting over money??
I also wrote yesterday on " Love and Money" on my blog. http://wp.me/pDpjD-20
I was inspired by this article by Kathy M. Kristof in the L.A Times http://articles.latimes.com/20...2010feb14.
Why do you think that we are all inpsired to write on this topic at this time? Economy causing increased financial stress leading to more couples fighting over money??
Written by Meghann, February 17, 2010
Thank you SO much for posting this! I have constant challenges when I try to talk to my husband about money. He thinks that because he works in the government (a "Cash for life job" as people around here call it), he has a pension and a good salary, the he doesn't have to save! I'm driving myself mad trying to convince him otherwise. This is going to help me have conversations with him, instead of feeling like I'm nagging at him - always a problem when trying to deal with important issues!
Written by Cate, February 17, 2010
What a great topic! This was such an issue for my relationship with my boyfriend for a very long time. We've recently started having financial meetings at least once a month, where we go over account balances and goals and brainstorm on ways to help one another reach those goals. It's been so helpful to have everything be completely transparent financially in our relationship. Of course, we can always find something else to fight about. :)
Written by MP Dunleavey, February 17, 2010
The issues in money fights are extremely deep. This post wasn't trying to address all of them, but rather suggest a stress-free way to broach money topics and begin to explore values, differences as well as points of agreement. One incredible study found that financial opposites definitely attract each other, but suggested that there may be some benefit to that: If we can get past the hostility, there may be things we admire about and can learn from our mate's differences.
Written by Amy, February 17, 2010
I'm so glad you touched on this subject, although I think it was touched on too lightly. I personally would love to hear more about ways to deal with money in the way of relationships.
The number one reason for divorce seems to be money. Whether it's lies about it, resentment, or strain. If we were more forthcoming about finances in our relationships, we would have stronger feelings of unity.
The number one reason for divorce seems to be money. Whether it's lies about it, resentment, or strain. If we were more forthcoming about finances in our relationships, we would have stronger feelings of unity.
Written by Larissa Kusel, February 24, 2010
Such an important topic and the premise of my husband's and my book The Financial Love Triangle: Yours, Mine & Ours (www.financiallovetriangle.com). We discuss tools and techniques for using open communication to align a couple's money strategies. Specifically on starting the dialogue, we outline some discussion goals and parameters that are helpful to have a productive conversation, rather than a heated debate, at our blog: How to Keep a Discussion about Finances with your Spouse from Becoming a Heated Debate - (http://lkusel.wordpress.com/2009/04/08/how-to-keep-a-discussion-about-finances-with-your-spouse-from-becoming-a-heated-debate/ )These may be good resources to dig deeper into this subject!
Written by leon F, March 03, 2010
Are you looking for a tax or accounting expert in your area.
do not hesitate to check www.TaxMamba.com
Leon Fangnigbe - http://www.MLFSolutions.com
do not hesitate to check www.TaxMamba.com
Leon Fangnigbe - http://www.MLFSolutions.com





