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On Becoming a Financial Grown-up
By Amanda Steinberg Friday May 14, 2010
Amanda Steinberg is the founder of DailyWorth.When I was a kid, being raised by a single mom, money was tight. But I always believed that when I crossed a certain income threshold the money stress would evaporate. I'd be free of the need to be frugal—because I'd be able to buy whatever I wanted or needed.
One of the great, ongoing revelations of my adult life is that, for most people, myself included, that's not true. Despite having an excellent income—one year's earning usually surpassing the last—my husband and I still have financial stress and need to make mindful money decisions.
Coming to terms with the real cost of living means that I'm constantly overhauling that old list of "I thought I coulds" and "I should be able tos." A few examples, and how they're changing:
I thought I'd be able to afford a few new outfits every season.
Despite all the "save more" cheering that we do here on DailyWorth—oh, how I'd love to drop $500 every quarter on a few wardrobe refreshers. Truth is, that money belongs elsewhere, if we're going to stick to our goal and save 20% of our take-home pay.
I thought I'd be able to take maternity leave
As the CEO of two companies (DailyWorth and Soapbxx) that depend on my oversight, I wasn't able to take off even a week when either of my kids was born. With my second—my daughter—I finally mastered the art of breastfeeding while typing. Feet on stool, pillow on lap, baby on pillow, knees pulled up, feeding baby, and typing. Here's an ancient post about it.
I'd enjoy regular, womanly pampering.
Haircut-and-color, mani/pedis, waxing—I assumed these were a basic right of being female. These days as we look for more ways to cut, so that we can truly max out our retirement, I've said goodbye to mani/pedis (doing them to myself while watching "Modern Family" isn't so bad), and am toying with DIY hair color touch-ups. Got any product recommendations or tips? I'm all hair, I mean, ears.
I'd zoom around on the Acela.
As someone who travels weekly between NYC and Philadelphia for work, I used to be an Amtrak girl—happily nestled in the cafe car, laptop open. Last month, I traded in my $500 per month Amtrak habit for the Megabus—making that now an $80-a-month cost. In truth—other than the constant jerking—it's not that bad. I'm now a bus girl.
I'd have a weekly cleaning lady.
Had one, loved her, can't afford it right now.
It's painful to cross those old daydreams off my list. But I take pride in the new realities: smarter spending, steadier savings, a sense of control.
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Written by Gina, May 14, 2010
I do the hair root touch-ups. I friend just busted me on it and thought it was funny because I am a salon junkie. I've grown my hair longer so it needs fewer cuts, I stretch my appointments to every 9 weeks, trimming bangs and root touch-up mid way through. I use Nice and Easy Root touch up (with the little comb). It works fine, gets me through to my next appointment and is $7 instead of $150.
Written by tara - scoutie girl, May 14, 2010
Thanks for sharing this, Amanda!
What strikes me about this is how much easier it is to ramp up our spending instead of pulling it back. Duh. Let me explain!
I think that as our salaries grow (and hopefully they are!) we should be mindful that our spending habits grow with them. If we can increase our spending at a lower rate than we increase our earning, we will feel comfortable and abundant.
If we ignore our spending as it matches our earning, we begin to feel that stress and have a hard time giving up the things we have grow (ever so quickly) to love!
My husband and I were doing oh-so-well with this until last month's windfall with my income. Now I'm tied into some new bills - all with the eye for helping my biz, thank goodness! - but I'm feeling that stress creep up ever so little. I'll be keeping my mind on my spending from now on!
What strikes me about this is how much easier it is to ramp up our spending instead of pulling it back. Duh. Let me explain!
I think that as our salaries grow (and hopefully they are!) we should be mindful that our spending habits grow with them. If we can increase our spending at a lower rate than we increase our earning, we will feel comfortable and abundant.
If we ignore our spending as it matches our earning, we begin to feel that stress and have a hard time giving up the things we have grow (ever so quickly) to love!
My husband and I were doing oh-so-well with this until last month's windfall with my income. Now I'm tied into some new bills - all with the eye for helping my biz, thank goodness! - but I'm feeling that stress creep up ever so little. I'll be keeping my mind on my spending from now on!
Written by Katie Cool, May 14, 2010
I agree. I do treat myself to a mani/pedi when I've finished a decent sized project. My nails are desperate after supervising a large plant installation! It satisfies me and keeps me out of the mall.
Written by Sunny Gray, May 14, 2010
I hear you! I'm working on a post right now titled "Balancing Big Dreams and a Budget." Between the "you can have anything messages" and the "let's simplify our lives" proponents, I feel torn. Shouldn't I dream big and work toward having the house cleaner, spa treatments, etc? Or, should I take the zen approach and do more with less and be happy. I'm trying to find a way to balance both while still having time for my family and not breaking the bank!
Written by Irene, May 14, 2010
Oh, I could have written today's post myself! Truth is, when I was single and childless and earning less than half of what I earn now, I had more disposable income! I was renting, and I had no childcare costs, so monthly pedis, and a few (okay, more than a few) new clothes each season was completely within my budget. now...
clothes are for little people who keep outgrowing them.
I got my first pedi in 6 months 2 months ago, and I am trying to convince myself that it's still "good".
Ah to be a high wage earner and still poor...(damn our mortgage!)
clothes are for little people who keep outgrowing them.
I got my first pedi in 6 months 2 months ago, and I am trying to convince myself that it's still "good".
Ah to be a high wage earner and still poor...(damn our mortgage!)
Written by Dalia, May 14, 2010
I remember in grad school someone telling me that "the more you make, the more you spend." Boy, was he right! Together my husband and I gross over $130K a year, but we're practically living paycheck to paycheck due to poor choices early on. We are working on digging out of debt (scheduled for the end of 2012, just in time for the end of the world! haha!) and we are really scrutinizing each purchase before we make it. I look around at all these great things other people have - beautiful homes, fabulous lifestyles - and I wonder how they afford it, because I feel like we should be able to afford it on what we make. But the reality is that we can't right now, and I'm finally ok with that.
Written by McKenna, May 14, 2010
I don't think we have to totally say goodbye to some of the little things that mean a lot to women. For example, maybe instead of a weekly pedicure, you have them one or twice a month. And perhaps you are contributing the another woman's income in doing so. Clothes can be taken in to good will and can be purchased second hand for massive discounts.
Now, personally, here is what I am trying to cut out: I have trouble with eating out so often. I realized that a big part of my livelihood/sanity it eating lunch out a few times a week with friends. I bring my lunch twice a week and cook more at home.
I also started biking home from work 2-3 times per week. This is saving me almost $12 in parking/travel fees, so it not only makes up for one of those lunches out, but cancels out the need for a gym membership.
Other than that, my husband and I work together to keep an eye on wasteful expenditures and now we have a broader POV on things above current yearly salary--it's about hacking down debt and building up wealth.
Loved your post about working so hard as a mom. I think you should be at peace to some extent with your nature--accept that you like to work and it is a big part of how your define yourself. But of course, try to take a breath and break here and there to enjoy the little ones growing up! :)
Now, personally, here is what I am trying to cut out: I have trouble with eating out so often. I realized that a big part of my livelihood/sanity it eating lunch out a few times a week with friends. I bring my lunch twice a week and cook more at home.
I also started biking home from work 2-3 times per week. This is saving me almost $12 in parking/travel fees, so it not only makes up for one of those lunches out, but cancels out the need for a gym membership.
Other than that, my husband and I work together to keep an eye on wasteful expenditures and now we have a broader POV on things above current yearly salary--it's about hacking down debt and building up wealth.
Loved your post about working so hard as a mom. I think you should be at peace to some extent with your nature--accept that you like to work and it is a big part of how your define yourself. But of course, try to take a breath and break here and there to enjoy the little ones growing up! :)
Written by Paula, May 14, 2010
It's really amazing the things people with loads of money think about. I can't even imagine.
Written by Angela, May 14, 2010
I appreciate your honesty and willpower. Clearly, you practice what you preach. The problem is that what you are preaching (basically, doing without) does not sound very appealing- or sustainable for most people. It reminds me of my cousin who became very religious. All she ever talked about was "repent" and "don't do this" and "can't say that." She didn't seem very happy, and instead of bringing people into her new way of life, she turned them off from it. I'm just saying that if a married, CEO of two companies feels like she shouldn't have a mani-pedi and a few new outfits, A LOT of other women are just going to say, "What's the point?"
Written by Suzanne, May 14, 2010
Thank you, Amanda! I found this post rather comforting, as in, I'm not the only with wants and desires but who has other financial priorities.
Written by MP Dunleavey, May 14, 2010
Hi all, as Amanda is on the road, it may take her a little while to post her responses to all these great comments. Meanwhile, just to address Angela's point--I think this is the bitter-sweet lesson of the recession. Many people, around the WORLD, are now shifting from a false sense of abundance (fueled by credit and the fantasy of eternally rising home equity) to a realistic one. Consider the lifestyles of previous generations. When I bought my first house, a tiny, falling down, 1860s farmhouse, it had two closets. Two. Because folks back then didn't own much stuff. I'm not saying we have to live like impoverished 19th-century transplants, but let's just remember how inflated our lives have become. Women buying 10 pairs of jeans. $300 haircuts. I mean, I love to look good, love my creature comforts, but I'm in Amanda's camp. Every day I have to adjust my sense of entitlement a bit--and that keeps my spending in check. Sigh.
Written by Regina, May 14, 2010
I think this article is interesting. I have been a stay-at-home mother for 11 years, and have become used to a blue-collar worker's single income. Over several years, I have gotten used to living on a 20k-50k income. We have managed to find ways to keep our cost of living down and have less then $1000 in debt.
Granted we also have lived a very alternative way for most of it, we lived aboard a sailboat, that we bought with an inheritance for $21k. I also never get mani/pedis (never had a pedi at all). I don't get my hair cut often and just let it grow (trimming it myself). I don't have a car, and get a ride or take a bus.
Other then going to school, (I'm a photography student), and my photography equipment, I treat myself to little luxuries, like incense.
Granted we also have lived a very alternative way for most of it, we lived aboard a sailboat, that we bought with an inheritance for $21k. I also never get mani/pedis (never had a pedi at all). I don't get my hair cut often and just let it grow (trimming it myself). I don't have a car, and get a ride or take a bus.
Other then going to school, (I'm a photography student), and my photography equipment, I treat myself to little luxuries, like incense.
Written by Amanda, May 14, 2010
What a great post, Amanda! I really appreciate your honesty. I find myself going through this process a lot too. Here in Boston I used to get my haircut for $80 a cut..the best of the best I was convinced. Now I get my hair cut at a very unglamorous salon right near my home but the owners actually give me a better cut for $15. Holy smokes..what was I thinking? We kept our cleaning woman for the sake of our marriage (husband is messy extraordinaire) but are saving in other areas to make up for this. I love the Daily Worth! I have been so inspired by it! THANK YOU!!!
Written by MP Dunleavey, May 14, 2010
Oooh, Sunny Gray--just saw your comment. I AM SO THERE. Strive? Or be Zen? Gah.
Written by Bobbi, May 14, 2010
Dear dear Amanda. Didn't even take a week off when your children were born??!! How sad. Makes me appreciate the choices I made that have allowed me to stay home and raise and homeschool my kids.
Pedicures? Three times a year. (Christmas, birthday & Mother's Day)
Lunches with girlfriends? Potlucks at each other's houses
Cars? Haven't had one that was less than a decade old.
Toys? My kids didn't know that toys came in boxes until they were 6 years old.
Clothes? Yard sales, thrift stores, swaps
I made a decision very early on that I would totally live within the paycheck of my husband even though I knew that I could pull in a six figure income. After figuring in the extra expenses of child care, working woman clothes, gas, parking, fast food, etc, it turned out that I was giving up raising my own kids for less than $20,000 a year.
I have become the master of budgeting, self reliance, repair and bargain hunting. My kids are teenagers and we are great friends. I don't miss the dinners I didn't have at a restaurant, but I would be terribly sad if I had missed their lives.
Staying home is not easy. But I think it is easier than trying to work AND raise kids. Now THAT is hard because both of those jobs demand more than 50% of you, so there is never enough of you to go around.
My girlfriends tell me I am lucky that I could stay at home and raise my children. I tell them that luck had nothing to do with it. That is why I started to write my blog. To share my secrets with my friends. Feel free to read about them at: Bobbisbargains.blogspot.com
Pedicures? Three times a year. (Christmas, birthday & Mother's Day)
Lunches with girlfriends? Potlucks at each other's houses
Cars? Haven't had one that was less than a decade old.
Toys? My kids didn't know that toys came in boxes until they were 6 years old.
Clothes? Yard sales, thrift stores, swaps
I made a decision very early on that I would totally live within the paycheck of my husband even though I knew that I could pull in a six figure income. After figuring in the extra expenses of child care, working woman clothes, gas, parking, fast food, etc, it turned out that I was giving up raising my own kids for less than $20,000 a year.
I have become the master of budgeting, self reliance, repair and bargain hunting. My kids are teenagers and we are great friends. I don't miss the dinners I didn't have at a restaurant, but I would be terribly sad if I had missed their lives.
Staying home is not easy. But I think it is easier than trying to work AND raise kids. Now THAT is hard because both of those jobs demand more than 50% of you, so there is never enough of you to go around.
My girlfriends tell me I am lucky that I could stay at home and raise my children. I tell them that luck had nothing to do with it. That is why I started to write my blog. To share my secrets with my friends. Feel free to read about them at: Bobbisbargains.blogspot.com
Written by Sarah, May 14, 2010
Thank you for posting this article- and to all of the other commentators, too. It's great to know that noone is alone! I can completely relate- I hope things get a little easier for all of us.
Written by Susan, May 14, 2010
Thanks for sharing your thoughts Amanda. I totally agree with your comments. Before kids, I think about how much I used to spend on myself, weekly manicures, new clothes, etc., but now can't afford with 2 daughters. I want for them to have what they need (and some of the things they want), and think about how much money I must have wasted before. Every year older is another year wiser.
Written by Heather Allard, May 14, 2010
Amanda,
Thank you for sharing this! I loved hearing your real-world ways of cutting back/saving. Awesome!
I'm considering the at-home hair touch ups myself - to save money AND time spent at the salon.
I've recently started using Mint.com to help me keep better track of my spending and start budgeting. I love it because it's FREE. :D I also use Dealigg.com and RetailMeNot.com to find the best deals on products/services that I use for my business and family.
I look forward to hearing more about your financial coming of age. You rock!
Heather
Thank you for sharing this! I loved hearing your real-world ways of cutting back/saving. Awesome!
I'm considering the at-home hair touch ups myself - to save money AND time spent at the salon.
I've recently started using Mint.com to help me keep better track of my spending and start budgeting. I love it because it's FREE. :D I also use Dealigg.com and RetailMeNot.com to find the best deals on products/services that I use for my business and family.
I look forward to hearing more about your financial coming of age. You rock!
Heather
Written by Jeannie, May 14, 2010
As a recent first-time homebuyer and newly commissioned earner, I really appreciate your reality check reminder! My husband and I are learning quickly to choose the "extras" that make working and saving worth it. For us, it's travel! The reconnection and sanity that trips provide our marriage makes skipping the salon or putting up with the ugly kitchen appliances all that much easier!
Written by pennywise, May 14, 2010
I am a frugal person around my home. That is our most major expense. I worked hard, two jobs at a time, and I successfully paid off our mortgage (gals get rid of the mortgage; debt is true slavery - and my trick was to type up an amortization chart and plug in the extra payments and watch the intrest decrease with my ownership increase). It really makes a big difference not having that mortgage. The tax write off is only worth a few bucks compared to the interest so don't buy into the "tax benefit". Do as our ancestors did, buy a small house with low payments, one you could live in, and pay off that note. My sister pointed out to me when society was trying to coach me into a larger home that no-one is home in those houses, is it true sisters? Even with the mortgage paid off and my spouses income enough for us with maxed out 401K I find a sense of unhappiness because I still have to watch my money. I do not work now and don't want to anymore. I am tired, age 53, and worked in healthcare (talk about being over-worked). But, what I really need to get back to is when we first got married, we went hiking, biking, to the beach, to the park, all free events and we were HAPPY. Ladies, yes you grow into the income and lose your freedom and happiness. I think it will take me time to find my happiness again, but GOD willing I will. And God is willing, for he told us to "be busy in our homes". Thanks for reading
Written by Dani, May 14, 2010
It is amazing to me what it is possible to go without. I too am learning all the time that less means more. I had to go both routes a stay at home working Mom. My kids are amazing, I love every minute with them. I also know that I need something for me, an income plus goals. It takes both of my roles to fulfill me. The big picture is making every moment count, so I don't feel like I'm half a**ing anything.
I went farther than just the root touch up and just started coloring my own hair, so far no one has given me a horrified look so I guess it turns out alright :)
I also switched to a more natural route, it is amazing how an organic oil like almond or coconut for example can feel like a spa experience. I'm a sucker for a new lotion or scrub, used to waste too much $ on them now I make my own. It takes 3 minutes and I have yet to have bad results. It's a great treat with out the expense. I find most of them online.
If your interested:
Honey Scrub:
•1 Vitamin E capsule opened and mixed in
•1 tsp organic Sweet Almond Oil
•½ cup Honey
•¼ cup Grits or medium Ground Cornmeal (or oatmeal for a milder exfoliation)
Steps:
1.Mix all ingredients together.
2.Apply in circular motions to damp skin to gently exfoliate.
3.Keep any left over in fridge.
I went farther than just the root touch up and just started coloring my own hair, so far no one has given me a horrified look so I guess it turns out alright :)
I also switched to a more natural route, it is amazing how an organic oil like almond or coconut for example can feel like a spa experience. I'm a sucker for a new lotion or scrub, used to waste too much $ on them now I make my own. It takes 3 minutes and I have yet to have bad results. It's a great treat with out the expense. I find most of them online.
If your interested:
Honey Scrub:
•1 Vitamin E capsule opened and mixed in
•1 tsp organic Sweet Almond Oil
•½ cup Honey
•¼ cup Grits or medium Ground Cornmeal (or oatmeal for a milder exfoliation)
Steps:
1.Mix all ingredients together.
2.Apply in circular motions to damp skin to gently exfoliate.
3.Keep any left over in fridge.
Written by dreamcatcher09, May 14, 2010
personally I am living paycheck to paycheck. I make a whopping 17K a year. I cut my expenses down to 1014.00 a month. I don't have any satellite, no visits to the salon, hardly any savings. I am living literally on the bare necessities. shelter, food, and clothing. With me and my 4 children. I was lucky to get them a 10 dollar memory mate picture from the local baseball league pictures last week.
I guess I am still waiting to financially grow up.
But i see where you are coming from. Its hard to realize the sacrifice us a mothers and working women have to give up. But we do, and we are stronger for it. What doesn't kill us makes us stronger.
I guess I am still waiting to financially grow up.
But i see where you are coming from. Its hard to realize the sacrifice us a mothers and working women have to give up. But we do, and we are stronger for it. What doesn't kill us makes us stronger.
Written by C, May 14, 2010
@Sunny Gray:I don't think there's anything wrong with dreaming big and working toward whatever you want, as long as you don't decide you'll only be happy when you get there. I think we all have to recognize all the things for which we're grateful while on the journey to whatever we would like to achieve next.
Which is the crux of Amanda's article because financial immaturity looks exactly like this: people decide they won't be happy until they get what they want, and they must be happy now, therefore they acquire what they want before they have the money for it. We can rationalize all we want about what we deserve to have because we work so hard or care for others or whatever, but in the end, that kind of behavior is just plain childish. It's easy to recognize in actual children; grown-ups are less likely to admit to seeing it in themselves.
Which is the crux of Amanda's article because financial immaturity looks exactly like this: people decide they won't be happy until they get what they want, and they must be happy now, therefore they acquire what they want before they have the money for it. We can rationalize all we want about what we deserve to have because we work so hard or care for others or whatever, but in the end, that kind of behavior is just plain childish. It's easy to recognize in actual children; grown-ups are less likely to admit to seeing it in themselves.
Written by Kara, May 14, 2010
I think the "I should be able to..." is what gets me in the most trouble. I feel like I SHOULD be able to go out to eat, buy the clothes that I want, take vacations, etc. Not that I don't deserve to have nice things, but it's been rough to realize that the fiancial reality just doesn't support the lifestyle I "should" have.
Written by Sara, May 15, 2010
I have had to learn to survive on less when I could no longer work do to an injury. After 2 years of denial that my larger paycheck was still coming into the household and fight with Social Security for disability benefits, this are finally looking up again. I have also learned to be very frugal. We do not eat out very often. My daughter's school's clothes are ofter hand me downs from her older cousins. I do not buy anything unless it is on sale or I have a coupon for it, preferably both. Luckily we live in a small town where the cost of things are not that expensive. Every year, we have a garage sale to get rid of the stuff we no longer need. What we don't sell, is donated to Salvation Army, which becomes a tax write off. Sometimes it takes a lot of work to save money, but it is worth it. We are getting ourselves out of debt and things are looking a lot better around her. The stress level has really decreased.
Written by Dmarie, May 15, 2010
This is very depressing. I agree that some things do need to come off the list but that was pretty much the entire list!
Written by Barbara , May 15, 2010
It helps me to calculate what that little luxury costs on an annual basis - and how much I have to earn to pay for it! For example, adding the family package to my cable bill cost an extra $50 a month - that's $600 a year, and if I figure 28% tax rate, I have to make $768 just to pay for some TV shows! That made the decision a lot easier. Not that I don't miss tuning in, but I feel much stronger each time I realize it is a decision for me to keep my financial health and I have an annual number to remind me. And, I have a lot more time to enjoy walks, reading, gardening, cooking..... : )
Written by clara, May 15, 2010
Wow! Just reading the amounts that people pay for things is shocking! I had no idea things were so expensive in the U.S. ( I live in Mexico).
I can totally relate to this thread--i am on a very tight budget myself. I´m a divorced mother of three and am now only working part time. I never get a manicure or anything of the sort. I don´t take international vacations and my car is ten years old. I think being alone has taught me (the hard way ) about the need for financial maturity, and i am still trying to get it right.
But $50 dollars for cable TV? $150 for a haircut? That´s pretty scary. I think financial maturity is a great thing, but all things considered, maybe something needs to be done about the high cost of living in America!
Despite the fact that I live on a budget of about $1,500 dollars a month, I can still afford to send my 3 kids to private schools, have cable tv, internet,phone and gas money. We eat out twice a month and my kids go to the movies once a week. (for only 3.00dlls a ticket!) Mind you, i´m not boasting. I never drink coffee at starbucks, nor do i buy expensive shoes or even slurdge on the newest best seller( damn!), but still, it kinda makes you think!
I can totally relate to this thread--i am on a very tight budget myself. I´m a divorced mother of three and am now only working part time. I never get a manicure or anything of the sort. I don´t take international vacations and my car is ten years old. I think being alone has taught me (the hard way ) about the need for financial maturity, and i am still trying to get it right.
But $50 dollars for cable TV? $150 for a haircut? That´s pretty scary. I think financial maturity is a great thing, but all things considered, maybe something needs to be done about the high cost of living in America!
Despite the fact that I live on a budget of about $1,500 dollars a month, I can still afford to send my 3 kids to private schools, have cable tv, internet,phone and gas money. We eat out twice a month and my kids go to the movies once a week. (for only 3.00dlls a ticket!) Mind you, i´m not boasting. I never drink coffee at starbucks, nor do i buy expensive shoes or even slurdge on the newest best seller( damn!), but still, it kinda makes you think!
Written by Pam, May 16, 2010
Amanda, firstly I love DailyWorth. I'm only 30 but am fortunate to be a financial planner with over 6 year years experience. This has allowed me to start early with my financial goals & savings - because its something I spend every day helping others with. My b/f and I earn a significant amount but I'm as frugal as they come - I dye my own hair each month (Loreal Preference) and am constantly getting comments on the colour + I ask for mani/pedi vouchers as presents so I get to experience them but don't pay for it! I also receive magazine subcriptions for christmas and bought myself a nice insulated coffee cup so my instant looks like a Starbucks. I'm gluten-intollerant and special bread costs a fortune - so I used my credit card points to buy a bread maker and bake my own for 1/6 of the cost. I do hope that by starting early with the cost cutting when the time comes to having my own family we can afford for me to take some time off. Going without now to have in the future.
Written by Lora Sasiela, May 16, 2010
Amanda, as always I love how your honesty always inspires us! The title of your post has a personal resonance because my own money meltdown forced me to mourn my childhood strivings to be taken care of financially by someone else...and really grow up when it comes to money. I also see it in so many of the women that I work with in my financial therapy and money coaching practice. There is *always* some thread of becoming an 'adult' financially, which leads to an empowerment of truly owning that we craft our own financial destinies.
Written by Anna, May 16, 2010
This is such a timely read for me. I'm 32 years old, and 9 months ago left a thriving freelance career in NYC for the uncertainty of a small town in North Carolina. I've now spent all my savings and am currently severely underemployed, so I'm having to adjust what I "should" be able to afford.
I just spent the last 2 hours with my finace creating a new budget for the summer - cutting out non-essentials (cable tv) and noting that we need to research cheaper options for essentials (car and health insurance). I never considered myself financially vain, but suddenly I realize that I had standards for myself that I'm no longer meeting, and I find it really embarrassing.
I just spent the last 2 hours with my finace creating a new budget for the summer - cutting out non-essentials (cable tv) and noting that we need to research cheaper options for essentials (car and health insurance). I never considered myself financially vain, but suddenly I realize that I had standards for myself that I'm no longer meeting, and I find it really embarrassing.
Written by Alex, May 17, 2010
The main thing I took out of this was that you realized your needs and wants. I definitely need to re-evaluate my list of need/wants as well. I'm also going to work toward saving the 20% of my pay. I just been doing 10%
Written by Susan, May 17, 2010
"Your Money or Your Life" is a good book for learning to fulfill your needs and desires while still cutting back on spending. One chapter contains a list of around 150 tips to cut back while still doing what you love. I enjoy international travel, so the tip on paying a low rate to homestay with a resident of the country rather than paying for hotels and guided tours was a great one for me. Also the tip: "DON'T GO SHOPPING"! If you always make a list before you shop and stick to it, whether for groceries, clothes, appliances, whatever - then you can save a lot. I like to browse and shop, online or in stores, so this one was hard for me, but I am probably saving around $200/month at this point by substituting other (low-cost or no-cost) things for shopping.
I don't think you have to deprive yourself to the point of eating only bread and water; but you can think about what truly makes you happy. If you enjoy walking in a park or playing with your kids, or having a BBQ with your neighbors, maybe you don't need that cable TV, gym membership, or three-times-a-week restaurant dinner to make you truly happy.
I don't think you have to deprive yourself to the point of eating only bread and water; but you can think about what truly makes you happy. If you enjoy walking in a park or playing with your kids, or having a BBQ with your neighbors, maybe you don't need that cable TV, gym membership, or three-times-a-week restaurant dinner to make you truly happy.
Written by NYCGal, May 17, 2010
Thank you so much for this post! As a 27 year old woman in NYC (who moved here during college almost a decade ago) I find that myself and many of my friends live in "financial infancy" - far from buying property, always encouraged to spend on dinners + pampering. I've had the great fortune of doubling my salary since I graduated from school in 2004 but find every time I get paid more I move to a nicer apartment/go on a bigger trip, etc. Just like you I am finally beginning to realize that financial adulthood isn't about being able to spend more - it's about being able to spend smarter and afford the things that truly matter to us. (And yes, sometimes, every once in a while, that thing is a dress or massage.)
Thanks for your wisdom, I'm sharing it with my gal pals!
Thanks for your wisdom, I'm sharing it with my gal pals!
Written by Toni, May 17, 2010
Great post. I used to use Loreal's product with the cap to pull through strands for highlights. It worked great, but then I cut my hair short and it got tedious. But now I'm letting the hair grow, the grey grow, and getting kind of proud of this sign of aging. I cut my own hair, and get asked all the time where I got it cut - a friend taught me. It helps to have a mirror that shows front and back or at least the sides well. And long arms. I make my own shampoo - Dr. Bronner's Lavender with rosemary oil, jojoba and lemon oil.
I live at the end of a long road - so every trip to town has to count for something and I do without a lot of things, but I live by the sea in one of the most scenic spots - so other things, like long walks, have become my entertainment.
Monthly potlucks with friends followed by a clothing swap has scored us all some great new (used) clothes. I buy one pound of yummy french roast coffee and mix it with a big container of Maxwell house Black Silk, or French Roast and find that keeps the cost down and the flavor strong.
I grew up with a working mother and resented her work when I was little, but came to admire her deeply as I grew up - I think we as women do ourselves a disservice to imagine that one way is best for everyone. Understanding that we do what we have to for our families regardless of what that looks/sounds like might be the greatest growing up we could do.
I live at the end of a long road - so every trip to town has to count for something and I do without a lot of things, but I live by the sea in one of the most scenic spots - so other things, like long walks, have become my entertainment.
Monthly potlucks with friends followed by a clothing swap has scored us all some great new (used) clothes. I buy one pound of yummy french roast coffee and mix it with a big container of Maxwell house Black Silk, or French Roast and find that keeps the cost down and the flavor strong.
I grew up with a working mother and resented her work when I was little, but came to admire her deeply as I grew up - I think we as women do ourselves a disservice to imagine that one way is best for everyone. Understanding that we do what we have to for our families regardless of what that looks/sounds like might be the greatest growing up we could do.
Written by Cheryl, May 18, 2010
A great way to curb spending is to see how the rest of the world lives. "Half the Sky" by Nicholas Kristof and Sheryl WuDunn is a great book on what is happening both good and bad to women in the rest of the world. It makes you realize how very lucky we are and how much abundance we really have in this country.
Written by Jill, May 18, 2010
I love your thoughts. One thing I won't give up is my weekly coffee dates with my girlfriends. I figure that latte is cheaper than what I would spend in therapy, and it helps keep me social. Plus my son loves to play at the coffee house.
Written by Molly, May 19, 2010
I have most certainly been looking at my needs and wants over the last year or so, after I started seriously buckling down to pay off my debt. I'm currently debt-free, which feels amazing, and now I find myself reevaluating once again - do I want some of those wants back? Not really, for the most part. I find that I want to keep my costs low, and I want extra money to go into savings for memories (like travel) rather than stuff.
Oh, and Perfect 10 hair color! It's the best for at home, IMHO, and I've gotten TONS of compliments. Check it out!
Oh, and Perfect 10 hair color! It's the best for at home, IMHO, and I've gotten TONS of compliments. Check it out!
Written by Chelsea Lingmer, May 23, 2010
I've found that new wardrobes are best purchased one or two items at a time as you find a needed piece of clothing on clearance. This is the best way to get brand new clothes without spending a fortune. Don't plan on going out on a shopping spree and buying 5 or 6 new outfits...think about the items you need/want to add to your wardrobe and shop for those on sale.
And yes, as nice as a fresh hair cut, manicure and pedicure can make you feel, this is one major expense. Try a haircut that is easy to maintain and keeps you from having to get it trimmed every 2 or 3 weeks. Try a style that will last over a month as it grows out and that will save you a little too not getting it cut so often. Doing your own manicure and pedicure is a good idea, or just keep clean nails and skip on the polish.
And yes, as nice as a fresh hair cut, manicure and pedicure can make you feel, this is one major expense. Try a haircut that is easy to maintain and keeps you from having to get it trimmed every 2 or 3 weeks. Try a style that will last over a month as it grows out and that will save you a little too not getting it cut so often. Doing your own manicure and pedicure is a good idea, or just keep clean nails and skip on the polish.
Written by Laura Vanderkam, June 09, 2010
Oh boy, where to start with Bobbi's post? She says, "Dear dear Amanda. Didn't even take a week off when your children were born??!! How sad." OK... Amanda works for herself. She doesn't have to go to an office. Why is it sad that she was checking email while nursing a newborn? Why is that more sad than watching TV?
Then this: "After figuring in the extra expenses of child care, working woman clothes, gas, parking, fast food, etc, it turned out that I was giving up raising my own kids for less than $20,000 a year." I think most of us who are building our careers in addition to our families would take issue with the idea that we aren't raising our own kids. My baby, for instance, is awake for about 77 hours a week. My nanny is with him for 30 of those waking hours (she works about 44 hours per week). Guess who's with him most of the other 47? There are 168 hours a week. Working 40-50 leaves plenty of time for other things. Even a family, much as some people don't want to believe it.
Then this: "After figuring in the extra expenses of child care, working woman clothes, gas, parking, fast food, etc, it turned out that I was giving up raising my own kids for less than $20,000 a year." I think most of us who are building our careers in addition to our families would take issue with the idea that we aren't raising our own kids. My baby, for instance, is awake for about 77 hours a week. My nanny is with him for 30 of those waking hours (she works about 44 hours per week). Guess who's with him most of the other 47? There are 168 hours a week. Working 40-50 leaves plenty of time for other things. Even a family, much as some people don't want to believe it.
I remember as a young adult thinking 50k per year would be comfortable, 80k per year and I would have so much money I wouldn't even know what to do with it. Fast forward a few years, annual income had grown to 130k and I did not feel rich at all! My expectations and reality did not mesh.
I'm single again now, my ex was the higher wage earner, so I am back to thinking wistfully that 50k would be comfortable, lol. I think I just may hit that this year, we will see. If not, it will be close.