A Bride Offers Guests Savings
When we requested money-saving tips for wedding guests, we didn't expect to hear from... a bride! But like many practical women, this reader believes in creative thinking—especially when guests can't afford $150 place settings, and there are more important things the happy couple needs.
For better or worse, thoughts from a bride:
- Details, details. Offer to supply one of the wedding essentials: ceremony arrangements or centerpieces, the wedding cake knife and server, champagne flutes for the toast, etc.
From the bride, "Personally, I'm stressing about how much all the details will cost. I'd be thrilled with one less gift off the 'list' if someone would offer to take care of some of these." - The gift of time. Offer to help out on the wedding day with set-up and clean-up. It's free for you, and a load off the bride and groom and their families, who just want to enjoy the moment.
- Connect the dots. If you have the connections—and the happy couple agrees before you ask—work out a discount for them, on catering, photography, the cake, etc.
- See if a registry gift is available on clearance.
- Pick your own digs; the hotel suggested by the couple is rarely the cheapest.
- Don't attend the shower and the wedding, if you can't swing it.
A wedding is a joyous time, and what every couple wants are happy memories of that day—not for guests to feel financially stressed.
Back Off My Assets
For worse, not better Divorce is rarely kind to women. You knew that already.
But women—even wealthy women like Tipper Gore—face special risks when a long-standing marriage falls apart.
"The biggest assets later in life are usually the couple's home and retirement accounts," says Jeffrey Landers, a certified divorce financial analyst in New York.
After years of saving and building household wealth together, how do you a) get your fair share now and b) protect your future security?
Yours, mine, ours
The first thing is to get clear on marital property laws in your state, as we covered here.
Most states have community property laws, which means that there is a "fair and equitable" distribution of assets. Alas, says Landers, that doesn't mean your share will be fair.
For today, we'll focus on the true value of household assets; retirement (a complicated calculation all its own) is next week.
Landers gives the example of an investment account worth $500,000 versus a house that's worth $500,000. They're not worth the same.
"The house has certain expenses: property taxes, fuel costs, maintenance," Landers says. "And if you sell the home, you could get hit with a big capital gains tax bill."
If you make $400,000 on the sale of your home, after subtracting the $250,000 capital gains exclusion for a single person, you would have to pay tax on $150,000. "At next year’s capital gains rate of 20%, that’s a $30,000 tax bill," Landers says.
Bottom line
You may not relate to Tipper Gore, but like millions of women, she invested decades of her life in her marriage and family. Know your financial rights so that you can recoup what you invested.
Question: If a man supported his family financially for 25 years, while his wife supported them domestically, is a 50-50 split of assets fair? Should he get more? Discuss here.
Jeffrey Landers is hosting a free seminar on June 15: Smart Financial Strategies For Pre-Divorced Women, in midtown NYC.
Say 'I Do' to Affordable Weddings
That "Big, White Wedding" Bill As DailyWorth reader Emma noted, many people justify wedding extravagance because "it's the happiest day of your life," when in reality it's just the start. "I think you should spend less on flowers to match your tiara and spend more time planning your life together!"
Besides we can all think of better ways to spend $30,000.
Two Key Steps to Wedded Bliss
When we asked DW readers for their best wedding saving tips, they boiled down to two central principles:
- Pay for what is most important to you; don't shell out silly money on things that don't matter. No matter what Mom says.
"Your guests will remember your vows and how great the party was," says Lori, a DW reader. "No one remembers how expensive your pew decorations were or whether you had designer shoes!" - Think outside the wedding box. Millions of couples have battled the wedding industrial complex and found creative ways to save. Here, highlights from readers:
- Swap. Ask friends to do your flowers, wedding album, hair, makeup, music, etc., in lieu of a gift.
- Substitute. Wear a white cocktail dress; have a tapas party instead of a dinner; get married on Friday.
- Track costs. Planning takes months, so monitor spending in a Google doc shared with your mate or parents.
- DIY. Whatever you can, from invites to hors d'oeuvres.
Married with... Property
Who gets the house?
No one wants to think about divorce. But even if you're happily married, you need to know how a split might affect your assets.
Many women assume that all marital property gets split 50-50—but that's not true, says Jeffrey Landers, a certified divorce financial analyst in New York.
Moreover, he says, few women understand what marital property is—and that it may be wise to protect your personal assets long before lawyers enter the picture.
Yours, Mine, Ours
Are you entitled to half your home? The profits from that apartment you sold when you were single? The business you started?
What's "yours" versus being marital property depends on the laws in your state. In 41 states anything that's marital property would be fiercely negotiated in a divorce. (Only nine states have community property laws, where most assets are split 50-50.)
- Marital property is anything acquired during the marriage, or kept in both your names. That may include your home, car, retirement, investment and bank accounts, your business, a professional license (e.g. a medical or dental license).
- If you owned a condo before the marriage, then sold it and put the profits in a joint account—then it's marital property.
- If your business grows during the marriage, only the initial investment is yours, the gains are marital property.
- However: If you get a gift or inheritance during the marriage, it remains yours—unless you deposit it in a joint account, whereupon it becomes marital property.
Bottom Line
Look up the marital property laws in your state. Think about whether there are assets you would like to keep separate. Ask Jeff Landers questions here, on DailyWorth.
End the Superwoman Syndrome
Mikelann Valterra, director of the Women's Earning Institute, is a prosperity teacher and money coach. It caught up to me one day, back when I was married. I found myself screaming at my husband to make his own dinner while throwing a box of breakfast cereal on the table in front of our son. They looked at me, bewildered. My inner good girl, who thought she was super woman, had snapped.
The dreaded second shift. While women have made great strides in the work world, we have not made enough headway in the domestic sphere. Many women work all day, and when they get home, there's more work waiting. A study published in Women Don’t Ask, by Linda Babcock, reported that full-time working women do over 33 hours of domestic chores a week, while their male counterparts do about 16.
Babcock's findings have been documented by many other researchers. While most agree that men today do more domestic work than in years past, the split is still far from 50-50. A heavy domestic load does not allow us to earn at our full potential.
According to the Bureau of Labor Statistics, 66% of women with children 17 or younger work full- or part-time. We women have focused for so long on other people that it is often difficult to focus on ourselves and our own careers. So we attempt to be Superwomen: we work diligently in our businesses and continue to care for our family’s needs.
The reality is, the Superwoman Syndrome is far too costly—in time, stress, our health, and personal and financial well-being. A greater balance is required, and we have to insist on it.
If we have partners, it’s time to talk to them. I used to cook more—before that fateful "dinner incident." This was convenient for my hard-working husband. But when my business expanded and my stress levels began skyrocketing, we talked. Was it convenient for him to cook more? No. But he did it. His career was not more important than mine, even if he was making more money than me.
This is an issue for women with and without children. Many of us need to put extra energy into our careers. However, we juggle errands and domestic To Do lists during the day, and come home to laundry, groceries that need buying and homes that need cleaning. What can we do?
- Let go of perfectionism. The sheets don’t get changed as often. My base-boards are dusty. (Sorry, Mom.) Your partner may not have the cleaning standards or routines as you do. Let it go.
- Compromise. I used to pick up my son every day after school. But when I expanded my business, this was no longer possible. After dealing with motherly guilt, I put him in after-school care three days a week. He’s very happy there with his friends and gets his homework done as well. And guess what? My stress level dropped!
- Delegate or hire help. The benefits of a house-cleaner far outweight the costs. I even know women who use services that provide a week's worth of frozen meals. Now that I balance single parenthood, many meals are frozen. So what!
- Talk about your balancing act, with your mate, friends, co-workers. The Superwoman Syndrome has to stop. We must equalize the roles of the sexes in the home. If you are working full-time, regardless of how much money you make, you should not be doing more domestic work than your partner.
Mikelann Valterra, director of the Women's Earning Institute, is a prosperity teacher and money coach.
Is Your Spouse Hiding Debt?
Erica Sandberg is a credit expert and columnist for Creditcards.com. She is also the author of "Expecting Money: The Essential Financial Plan for New and Growing Families."
To read the original article click here.
Q: I just checked my credit report and discovered that my husband has run up $18,000 in debt when I thought we only owed $400. I'm so upset I'm shaking. What can I do?
A: Your husband's financial infidelity is frightening—but, sadly, it's not uncommon. You're lucky that you checked your credit report and caught him in the act, so to say. As with any form of cheating, you and your husband have some work to do. Here's my recommended plan:
- Find out where the money went. Your credit report contains a list of all open accounts; ask your husband to show you those statements. In addition, he may have accounts he opened in his name. These would show up only on his credit report, so ask him to come clean.
As you examine the statements, what you discover may be hard to take. Your spouse wasn't just hiding debt; he was hiding habits (perhaps even vices) that he was spending money on.
Thus, you've got two main tasks, and don't ask me which is harder! First, your husband's secret spending has to stop (and the spending habit addressed). Second, the debt has to be repaid. - Get professional help. If you're furious, it's justified. If he's guilty or resistant, that's normal. I strongly recommend seeking the help of a marriage therapist or a credit counselor because this is a complex issue.
- Make a debt repayment plan. As a duo, you need a plan to repay the balances in full, as quickly as possible. Credit counseling may be a good strategy if the debt seems overwhelming. Otherwise, create a budget, reduce spending, apply all excess funds to the debt and stop charging until the balance is at zero. Also, it's not out of line to have your husband sell whatever he bought and use the money toward his debt. While you're at it, propose that he work overtime or get a part-time job.
- Talk about money. Your husband's financial infidelity is a red flag that you two are out of sync—and not just about money. Make time for regular discussions about the life you have and the life you want. As the great Russian writer and philosopher Leo Tolstoy once wrote, "What counts in making a happy marriage is not so much how compatible you are, but how you deal with incompatibility."
Have you suffered financial infidelity? Do you worry about it? Tell us.
Erica Sandberg is a credit expert and columnist for Creditcards.com. She is also the author of "Expecting Money: The Essential Financial Plan for New and Growing Families."
SAHM Money Matters
Erica Sandberg is a credit expert and columnist for Creditcards.com. She is also the author of "Expecting Money: The Essential Financial Plan for New and Growing Families."
All moms are working moms. Though you may not be bringing home a paycheck, it’s still up to YOU to protect your financial security.
Remember: About half of all marriages end in divorce—and divorce is the number one cause of women ending up in poverty. Protect yourself by avoiding these common mistakes:
Bad move: Shorting your retirement funds. By suspending contributions to a company-sponsored retirement plan, even for a few years, your funds could dip—perilously. Worse, your social security benefits may also decrease, since your payout is contingent on your working years.
Smart move: Open an IRA. Whether a spousal, traditional or Roth IRA is right for you depends on many factors, but socking away cash for when you've stepped out of the workforce is essential. You probably aren't covered by your spouse's plan. Choose a retirement account, then resume contributions.
Bad move: You're still in dual-income mode. Though your household wages may be halved, your housing and other costs are probably the same—and you may be spending as if you still had two paychecks.
Smart move: Create an updated budget. Tally your current expenses (include savings) and subtract from your total income. Pare down spending until you come out even. Don’t do this alone, by the way—this is a couples task.
Bad move: Forgoing financial control. When some women stop bringing in the cash, they forfeit their rights as economic equals in the household. Worse, they imagine their husbands are taking care of things.
Smart move: Keep abreast of money matters. Gain access to all banking and investment accounts, including passwords and usernames. Discuss your budget and goals with your spouse. At least annually, review both your credit report and his. If something terrible was to happen to your spouse—today—you should feel confident that you could manage on your own.
If you're a stay-at-home mom, let us know how you stay in control of your financial life.
Erica Sandberg is a credit expert and columnist for Creditcards.com. She is also the author of "Expecting Money: The Essential Financial Plan for New and Growing Families."
Love Your Mate & Your Money
Why do so many couples fight about money?
Because many of us lack the skills to have basic, house-cleaning conversations about financial topics.
Like all aspects of a relationship, financial intimacy must be nurtured, (slowly, patiently, lovingly) in order to grow.
Here, a three-part method to build financial rapport with your mate, simply by asking questions, inspired by this post on SavvySugar.com.
| Theme | Tone | Exercise |
| Step 1: Getting to Know You |
Playful | Swap ice breakers: What's your #1 money worry? What are you saving for? |
| Step 2: Getting to Know Us |
Inquiring | Explore values: How would you spend a raise? What's your ideal lifestyle? |
| Step 3: Becoming a Team |
Give & Take | Seek agreement: We need X and we have to pay off Y—what do you suggest? How much do we need total? |
Should You Marry for Money?
Consider the marrying habits of the Pimbwe women of Tanzania. A study published recently in the journal Human Nature, found that Pimbwe women tend to pick multiple mates—and their remarrying strategy seems to convey an economic advantage, as measured by their ever-expanding network of kin and the survival of their children.
What can Western women gain from how another tribe views the material benefits of mating?
The compelling nugget here is that, like the Pimbwe women, it's smart to be financially self-protective when choosing a mate.
Does that mean you should marry for money?
How to Talk Money with Your Honey
He says lease. You say buy. He says Shoprite. You say Whole Foods. No matter how you say it, talking money is tough.
The experts agree. According to a 2009 report in the sociology journal Family Relations, marital conflicts about money were more pervasive, problematic and recurrent than all other non-money issues. This is true across all educational, economic, social or ethnic backgrounds.
In a new book titled GET FINANCIALLY NAKED by Manisha Thakor and Sharon Kedar, you can learn how to:
- Uncover your core financial beliefs. Discover what you and your mate really think about money, and whether those thoughts support (or are in conflict with) your collective life goals.
- Discover how financially compatible you are. Learn how you and your significant other stack up on three critical metrics – financial interest, knowledge and behavior.
- Learn the five steps to financial satisfaction. You are busy, so you want to focus on the areas that will have the greatest impact on your financial bottom line – your home, your car, retirement, kids and extended family obligations.
Manisha is a regular contributor to DailyWorth. If you are new to Manisha's work, you can learn more about this Harvard MBA and financial literacy advocate at www.ManishaThakor.com and follow her on Twitter at @ManishaThakor.
Separate Bank Accounts?
To join or not to join bank accounts — that’s a good question. 47% of 2,500+ readers polled on on Parenting.com think separate accounts are a good idea. Who knew so many?
A PROWhile we don't recommend this strategy per se, we do suggest that all new couples keep separate accounts until you figure out how you will handle budgeting, saving and investing. Read more about the pros and cons of separate bank accounts on Yahoo.com by Dory Devlin. The 70 comments after the post are also a worthy skim.
You may want a bigger financial cushion than your husband/partner. Perhaps he can stomach letting his account get down to $200 without breaking a sweat, but you can't handle having less than $2,000.
A CON
There’s less of a team mentality when it comes to managing your finances, and that could cost you money and intimacy. One DailyWorth reader, who happens to be the breadwinner, pays for all of their family vacations, and it can get on her nerves.