You may know me as DailyWorth's editor, but I still write for many other publications. And as a long-time free agent in the journalism world—12 years and counting—you'd think that I'd know how to negotiate by now.

You'd think that I could nail every contract to the wall with a single, steely glance.

Ahahahahaha.

Crybaby
In fact, when I got the contract for a recent project—and the fee was mysteriously less than what had been discussed during the original meeting—I did everything you're not supposed to do.

I cried for three days. I felt insulted. I called and emailed all my friends and regressed back to 7th grade, saying things like, "Do you think that they think that I think..."

When the time came actually negotiate—I'm embarrassed to say—my stomach churned and my voice was shaky. I was barely able to restate the original fee and terms.

Open mouth, extract words
"OK, so you want $X more on this, X on that," the project manager said. "And?"

"And, um, well, that's it," I said.

"That's IT??" the manager was puzzled. "OK, fine. We'll send you the new contract, no problem."

It. Took. Two. Minutes.

Most embarrassing of all, it's the same old lesson—the one you and I have all heard 78 million times:

Just ask.
Apparently, some of us needed to learn it one mo' time.

Speak up. Tell us about when you've asked for more. What happened?

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What a long strange trip it has been.

Our Tuesday post—about one woman's job negotiation, in which she admitted having inflated her salary—provoked a feisty debate about the ethics of lying about your income.

Alas, what got obscured in all the mudslinging was the more vital issue of how women handle salary negotiations. In the original post—pause, wipe off mud—the writer admitted that in a 20-year career she had never once asked for a salary increase.

When she did ask for more money, in the course of her recent job application, she got it.

Here at DailyWorth we are on a mission to close the gender wage gap. We don't condone lying. Unfortunately, that's what hogged the spotlight, instead of the real travesty: Countless women are underpaid and they lack the confidence and know-how to ask for what they are worth.

Consider the letter we got from a former recruiter:

"I had a range and I couldn't go over that range," she wrote. "I was told to always offer the lower amount—period. The men ALWAYS negotiated their salaries and ALWAYS got more. The women NEVER negotiated their salaries. It used to pain me to hear women accept the first offer."

And when the NYT blogged about the DailyWorth debacle, this was the top-voted reader response:

"Discussions of salary are negotiations, and bluffing isn't the same as lying."

While we retracted the original post so as not to put anyone at risk, we did so with reservations. Our aim is to show women that their true worth is rarely reflected in their pay—and that by speaking up they can and should earn more.

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This post has been retracted.

A message from DailyWorth founder Amanda Steinberg:

When I started DailyWorth, I had a lot of goals in mind. Among them was the desire to help women become great negotiators by learning the tricks of the trade. Another was to address money taboos head on, even if the discussion became controversial. Finally, we vowed never to be boring or formulaic.

When we released this post, we knew it would spark heated debate. And it did. We've heard from a number of HR personnel in the DailyWorth community that even slight salary history inflations are illegal and could jeopardize your job application.

Update from New York Times coverage of this situation: "While inflating your salary may not be a criminal offense that can land you in jail (assuming you don’t inflate your salary under oath or under penalty of perjury), it still can be a civil law issue. Specifically, according to Della Barnett, a plaintiffs’ employment attorney in California, “Affirmative misrepresentation of a material fact can be construed as fraud” and your potential future employer could sue you for it."

Many thanks those of you who constructively and thoughtfully shared your opinions with us.

A Little White Lie in Salary Negotiation Ellen O'Hara is a book editor in New York City. The numbers game In most ways, I’m a pretty assertive woman. But when it comes to money, I can be a total wimp. Case in point: In a 20-year career, I’ve never asked a boss for a raise. Not once. But a recent experience while I was job-hunting taught me how silly it is to be passive about pay. I'd found a position I liked and applied for it. The recruiter asked for my current salary. Let’s just say I inflated the figure—and told her I was earning $5,000 more than I was. (“Everyone does that,” a successful colleague had told me. “Just don’t puff it up too much, so that figure seems realistic.”) Well, it worked Fast forward six weeks: The recruiter called to offer me the job. “I’m pleased to tell you we will match your current salary,” she said. My first instinct was to happily accept the offer. After all, I'd given myself a stealth raise. But then, my mind flashed back to an article I’d read by a female manager, lamenting how passive women are about compensation. She said her male employees almost always pushed for raises while the women never did. So I summoned up my inner guy, and politely said: “I was hoping to do a little better salary-wise." Ask and ye shall receive Here’s what didn’t happen: She didn’t angrily hang up the phone and move on to someone else. She didn’t sound annoyed—or even surprised. “Let me see what we can do,” she said. The following day she called to say they would bump up the salary by another five grand. Wow! Just like that! Between my white lie and my assertiveness, I’d managed to snag $10,000 more than I was making. Needless to say, I learned that it pays, literally, to be strong and assertive when it comes to money. My only regret is that I’d been such a wimp about it for so long. Your cents Would you inflate your salary in a job interview? Is it ethical? TAX ALERT FOR THE SELF-EMPLOYED: Estimated tax payments due today!

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Thank you for your many candid responses to yesterday's post on haggling.

It got us thinking: about the issues that face small, skill-based businesses; about the reason for negotiating; about the challenge of pricing one's goods or services.

Many readers criticized the idea that haggling should be a habit. As a reader named Joyce Marie commented:

I think it's an insult... to ask for a discount on everything I'm buying. Especially from a small business, who... know first hand how hard it is to stay afloat.

Several small business owners made the case that haggling often feels like a devaluation of their product—especially if the haggler just wants a discount.

When we wrote yesterday's post, we didn't highlight that perspective. The DailyWorth audience includes entrepreneurs and small business owners, and many other people as well.

The aim of the post was a broad one: To encourage people to ask for a better price—because often it's there for the asking. It ain't personal, it's business. As a reader named Autumn commented:

I've had customers ask for a discount, and usually I can offer up something small which makes the customer feel good. I believe that in a lot of these instances this made the difference between securing a sale and not getting one at all because our product was just slightly out of their budget initially. Every business is different though, so it may not work for all. I think that's why it "never hurts to ask" as the article advised.

We are taking this debate seriously because it spotlights several issues that concern us, as we all move toward greater self worth and net worth:

• How do you price your product so that you get its full value, not just the rock-bottom cost?
• How do you sell your product (i.e. market it) so that customers perceive its full value?
• How do we handle the rampant emotions that arise in any negotiation—pride, fear, guilt, esteem—and move toward a fair deal, i.e. get what we want, what we deserve?

Again, we tremendously value your thoughts and comments on this topic. It's a powerful and important one, whether you're working for yourself or someone else. We look forward to our greater and shared growth and understanding. Seriously.

With much respect,

Amanda Steinberg (founder) and MP Dunleavey (editorial director)

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License to bargain
Most people assume that bargaining should be limited to homes, cars and silly tchotchkes you buy on vacation.

Noooooo, say expert hagglers.

When it comes to haggling, everything and anything is fair game—from flat screen TVs to MRIs to your next mani-pedi.

Name your price
According to a 2009 survey, 66% of people said that they'd asked for a better deal at least once in the previous six months—and of those, 88% said they'd scored a discount.

This ABC News article, which follows bargain hunter Teri Gault through several live haggles, illustrates the core secret of a successful haggle:

Ask.

Gault asked for a discount on a $169 stool in a high-end store. The clerk said no; the manager dropped the price by $40. Because... she asked.

And don't stop at the small stuff. In her new book, "Save Big," Good Morning America reporter Elisabeth Leamy found that you can save thousands on big-ticket items, like "junk" closing costs (e.g. document fees) when you buy or sell a home.

Bottom line

• Do your homework. Every price has a range.
• Offer to pay cash. It's a strong incentive.
• Don't assume "No" means no. Ask for a manager.
• Be nice. The fate of the world isn't at stake.
• Walk away if you don't get your price.

Tell us how you scored a great deal here.

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Reality check
What do your skills command in the marketplace right now?

If you feel like your self-value has gotten stuck at your current income or fee, it's time for a check-up using one of these online calculators.

(Footnote to entrepreneurs: You may have to fudge some details, but this is a good way to double-check your rates.)

Be calculating

1. If you're job hunting or want to know how your current salary stacks up, this eye-opening PayScale quiz will tell you. (Opt out of the free account sign up and just get your results.)


2. You have an offer, but what's it worth? To find out your actual takehome pay ($60,000 isn't really $60,000) use this nifty calc from PaycheckCity. The results may push you to ask for more.


3. How would your income translate in another city? See what your job would pay in another area, and what the relative cost of living would be, here on Salary.com.

Bottom line
Knowing your worth, and earning your potential are twin endeavors. Work it, baby.

Your move
Negotiate much? Prep yourself.

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Make a Plan, Stan
So you want a raise! Whether you plan to negotiate a raise next week or next fall, the key is careful prep work, says Kathi Elster, an executive coach in New York and co-author of the bestseller, "Working for You Isn't Working for Me."

Raise Your Profile
Start with a snappy memo of your achievements, and add small wins that might get overlooked: a rave from a customer; your eagle eye on the competition; the 17 weeks you covered Maryann's maternity leave.

Tip: Write down your successes daily or weekly so you don't forget them. (Bonus: A steady and well-deserved ego boost.)

Know Your Allies
Ask managers in other departments to put in a good word for you. If you're self-employed, collect praise from colleagues in your industry. Volunteer on projects that expand your visibility, skills and contacts.

A Winning Strategy

• Know your worth by doing market research.
• Role play with a friend or mentor and rehearse all the possible scenarios, advises Amanda Steinberg, DW's earning diva.
• According to this fun how-to video, ask for a raise when you're doing significantly more than when you were hired. Added value justifies more money.

Bottom Line
Know your own bottom line before you walk into your boss's office. If she says no, are you willing to try harder? Revisit in three months? Take perks in exchange for cash? Or start polishing your resume? Part of knowing your worth is realizing that you have options.

Tell us your experiences asking for more money.

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Erica Sandberg is a columnist for CreditCards.com, and the author of "Expecting Money: The Essential Financial Plan for New and Growing Families."

Confession: Like many women, I’m not skilled at negotiating proper compensation. This is ironic, given that I'm a personal finance adviser. However, I've taught myself to command a fair fee. Here's how:

Know the marketplace. It's critical to find out what others in your position earn. Ask around and use salaryfinder.com salary.com. Once you have a range, focus on the high end. Never low-ball yourself, because climbing up from the bottom rung is tough.

Know your worth. When asking for a raise or stating your fee, lay out your relevant experience and achievements. People pay you because you're good, not because they like you.

Channel a bigwig. I'm friendly with a successful Wall Streeter, whose chutzpah is legendary. When quoting my rates, I adopt his persona. Try it: Identify someone whose confidence is off the charts and imitate his or her attitude. This classic ‘fake it till you make it’ technique works.

Request the range. A large corporation recently asked me for my day rate, which I nearly revealed. Instead I asked what their norm was—and it was three times what I typically charge. Lesson: When an employer asks what you expect to be paid, politely but firmly say it depends on many factors, and ask for their range.

Rehearse. Pretend a potential employer is on the phone. State your ideal salary or fee out loud. Repeat that figure until it feels natural—and you get that question mark out of your voice.

Dwell on what you deserve. Good-for-the-world professions are rife with underpaid women. If you look at the top, though, the directors are usually well-compensated. You should be too. Quality employees come at a cost and they know it. Negotiate with that in mind.

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