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Find the Right Balance Between Love and Money Comments

  • By Mark Petroff, YourTango
  • February 07, 2014

balancing relationships and money

Do your finances cause tension in your relationship? In other words, are you human?

Many relationships face intense stress and anxiety over money issues. Perhaps your current relationship is feeling the impact of this connection now. How would you rate your relationship on a 1-10 love and money scale, where one is how loving and passionate your connection is and ten is the degree to which you have mastered your money concerns?

For instance: a 10/10 would be the best of everything; you're in intimate love and ecstatic passion with one another and you feel absolute financial certainty and freedom (where you don't ever have to work, unless you want to, and you never have to worry about your bills being paid, since the returns from your secure and growing investments easily cover any expenses you could have).

This article is for the rest of us. 

Relationships are almost everything in life. Money represents life force and investment of time and energy. In many ways, we trade our life energy for money. So, we need to respect what goes into making, protecting and enjoying money. What it can do for others and us in the way of convenience, creativity and contribution is truly expansive. So, what if I told you there are ways to improve in both love and money simultaneously?

What makes us happy? Pleasure, right? (At least over the short-term) Progress is what really makes us feel happy over the long term. In the love and money game of life, we have both practical and emotionally driven needs that must be met at high levels in order for us to feel like we are joyfully winning in a satisfying way. So, we shall look at both.

To achieve progress in finances and relationships, you must honestly know where you are, get clear about where you want to be and close the gap between the two step-by-step. The gap gets reduced by removing what's in the way, designing a workable plan and taking proven action to hit your target.

Let's take a look at what could be obstructing your passion and pocketbook, how to remove it and how to use proven strategies that can realign your relationship with satisfying love and financial progress.


Everyone has the emotional need for certainty, but one person in a relationship may be more predominantly driven than the other. How much of what you do, don't do or get anxious about stems from your need to feel comfortable or stable? Your need for certainty may be why you don't change jobs, why you eat unhealthy "comfort" food, procrastinate or watch way too much TV, none of which may be helping your bank account most effectively.

Each of us has different vehicles through which we meet our need for certainty. One may feel comfort from having a savings or retirement account, another may need to feel safe by having a particular level of income or type of job stability. Knowing what you and your partner need to feel comfortable is vital, because when you don't feel certain enough, fear can dominate you and your passion will go out the window. 

Fear can bring difficulty to your communication, create disconnection and threaten the very stability of your relationship. You may think, "This jerk doesn't know how to communicate," when in fact, it may just be that he's afraid. Understanding this can empower you to respond from compassion instead of reacting un-resourcefully. Then, together you will be in a better position to receive ideas, change perceptions and take necessary or inspired action. As you do, watch how obstructing fears subside, passion increases and creative ideas to improve your finances get enacted.

Each of us also has a need for loving connection, yet one partner could need this even more than their partner needs certainty. "We could be broke, but if I know we still love each other, I'll be fine." Sounds good on paper, but if the partner who has a dominant need for certainty feels out of control economically and thus withdraws affections, the relationship could become stressed to a breaking point over time. 

One key to navigating such a love/money challenge is to seek to unselfishly give your partner what they most need, and to do it in a way that resonates with them. For example, provide the certainty they need by telling your mate you will always be there for them and that you believe they have what it takes to work through their financial trials.

In another other case, you might offer love and connection to your significant other by getting out of your self-concern and giving them words of kindness, physical affection, thoughtful care and supportive actions. While this may not seem like it has much to do with money, consider the fact that studies have shown that sharing a passionate kiss with one's honey before leaving for work has a considerable positive impact on the annual income of that household.

Having first sought to understand and meet your partner's needs, it is also important to openly communicate what you need most, and it may be appropriate to ask for the help from both your partner and others. Partners that work together well can overcome huge things financially. In fact, abundance is ever-present.

You just need to access it through positive expectation, willingness to bring unexpected and enthusiastic value to others (in ways that make them want more) and massive action using feedback along the way.

This story was provided by our content partner, YourTango, a digital media company dedicated to love and relationships. No matter what love stage our users are in — single, taken, engaged, married, starting over, or complicated — we help them live their best love lives. Written by Mark Petroff.

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