I’ve been separated from my husband for almost two years. Luckily, we have a friendship and talk/text constantly about our kids, their schools, and our community. While divorce and separation can bring about enormous stress and anxiety, especially for children, our split has helped me to confirm a lot of things about myself over the last few years.
- I value freedom over security. And this makes me a bit unusual, which I’ve learned to embrace. I’m happier when I can do what I want when I want to. Of course I started a website to help women master money — it’s critical when you value freedom. But being in control of your finances also means security, and I’ve realized I need that as well.
- I need to break the rules. I have a burning rebellious spirit. I didn’t have rigid parents or a confined childhood that I’m still fighting against. My boundary-pushing m.o. just seems to be an innate desire for constant change, whether rational or not. It’s part of why I’ve always been an entrepreneur and I enjoy trailblazing, glass-ceiling busting, and defying all expectations.
When I married my husband at age 25, I really had found the perfect husband—if only I had I been able to put this rebelliousness to bed in return for the security and customs that come with nesting.
After a challenging eight years of “Amanda, where are you going and … why are you always working?” we both realized that I’m uncontainable, and when I try to fit more “normal” structures, I get restless, resentful and depressed.
Are some people just not “the marrying kind”? Fortunately I’ve been dating a man for more than a year who values independence the way I do. Marriage just might not be for everyone.