It’s with a heavy heart that I tell you this: I think we need some time apart.
Our whirlwind affair has been nothing short of thrilling. And there was a time when I really needed you. I know that. How would I have paid for my car, my bed, almost anything in my apartment, that flight to L.A., the trains to Boston? Remember that last-minute trip to Amsterdam? The distressed cream leather jacket I bought the day I arrived? I still wear it and love it. You’ve been there during the scary times too. Like the time my cat swallowed a bag of hair ties and needed emergency surgery. You covered it all. I’m still grateful.
And I know, I’m no saint. I’ve been negligent at times. I’ve missed dates more than once, was tempted by other offers (some I took, as you know). In the end, though, I always came back to you.
But the fact is, loving you comes at a price. And lately, that cost is just too much.
I know you have your own needs, and I don’t fault you for that. But this isn’t just about what I owe you. It’s about my independence. Because as much as I appreciate your generosity, the more I depend on you, the more I need you, and it’s done a job on my self esteem as well as my bank account. You made me feel like a big deal—like I could do anything. But what I need right now, more than anything, is to know I can stand on my own two feet.
Yeah, it probably won’t be as fun without you, trust me on that. But it will be more sane, more grounded. With you it was always, What next? What else can I be or have or do? But I want to be present in my life now, living with the resources I have, not what I hope to have later.
I know you’ll be tempted to call–you always do. But please don’t. It’s nice to know that you’re there if I need you. And I’ll call you if I do.
But don’t hold your breath.