Is It Anti-Feminist to Let Him Pay?

  • By Natasha Scripture
  • October 25, 2013

Even women are struggling to adapt to the current state of gender affairs. We’ve forged ahead with our high-powered careers, out-earning some of our male counterparts, and now a huge contingent of us have declared: “We’re happy being single forever.”  

If I were a guy, I would probably feel intimidated by this new dynamic. Gender equality and feminine power are, of course, both cause for celebration, but when you have Maureen Dowd, a Pulitzer Prize-winning journalist, posing the question “Are Men Necessary?” as the title of her New York Times bestseller, you can see how the male species at large be feeling a tad emasculated.
Which brings me to the question du jour: Who should pay on a date?
For me, if a guy asks me out and I’m interested in him romantically, I let him pay, at least for the first few dates. And then I insist on treating him eventually, or at least I try to. (I notice it makes some men feel uncomfortable.) I’m always polite, offering each time, and indelibly gracious when he makes it clear he is paying. Metrosexual or not, if I have learned anything about the male species over the last three decades it is that men want to feel like men — now more than ever since we have kind of deemed them irrelevant.  And women — well, we are much more complicated, of course — but I think what we want most is to feel valued. I don’t know about you, but when a nice guy takes me out on the town, I feel valued and desired, not disempowered in any way. I feel ultra-feminine, sexy and sought-after.
You can’t fight biology. On a carnal level, men want to be in control, are inherently protective and are hard-wired for “taking care of business,” whether it be chopping down trees or paying the bill. It doesn’t matter if you earn more than him; by allowing him to buy you a soufflé at Daniel you’re not only giving him a chance to show you how generous he can be, but you’re actually allowing him to be his organic self. What a win-win!  As for attached strings? You don’t owe him anything except for your charming, brilliant company.

Tagged in: Live, Relationships