Headsm full disclosure

Why You Shouldn’t Negotiate Your Relationship

the relationship talkYou’ve been taught that the ultimate sign of maturity is when two people can sit down and talk about an issue like adults. And it’s critical for many things: a disagreement, a major financial decision, long-term goals with a long-term partner. But having The Talk with someone you just started seeing in an effort to secure the relationship is not only a sign of insecurity, but a straight-up mistake.

I get it. You like this person a lot, and you believe that if you “just knew what was up” you’d feel better and everything would be grand. I counter with this: If you're having a fun, great, sexy time, why oh why would you drop those dreaded words: "Where is this going?"

It's the equivalent of walking into a great party, turning off the music, flipping on all the lights, and asking, "Is everyone having a good time?" That’s why having The Talk too early is horrible. Because it starts with "I like you a lot" and ends with "and this is what I need you to do." It legislates. It kills the fun. Don't do it.

In fact, delay that conversation as long as possible. My rule of thumb is that you can and should get to know each other for a few months (three to six), not weeks, before anyone slaps down rules and regulations. Because the first person to bring it up loses.

It’s not unlike business negotiations, in fact. There, too, it’s widely accepted that the person who names a price first loses (there are exceptions, of course, such as when you want to set a high bar, but other than that, best to wait). Also, you know what it’s like to be on the receiving end of someone a bit too hungry to “close” you. The need to nail things down early broadcasts insecurity.

Next Up: Your Excuses Debunked

1 2
ADVERTISEMENT
ADVERTISEMENT
ADVERTISEMENT
ADVERTISEMENT