#1 on Your To-Do List
For many, sex has a tendency to fall low on the daily to-do list — especially if you're in a long-term relationship or married, and know you can, theoretically, infinitely push off getting busy till "tomorrow."
In fact, a 2013 study shows that less than half of Americans have sex three to four times a week, while other data reveals that the average married couple finds time for intimacy about seven times a month.
But what about people whose to-do lists are longer than the norm? How do CEOs, entrepreneurs, those who travel frequently for work, and professionals who work long hours fit it in? If most of us seem to be squeezing in sex, they must have an even tougher time doing so … right? (Spoiler: Nope.)
We went straight to the source to find out how the busiest professionals among us keep up active sex lives. Here are their secrets.
Shut Down Your Phone
Nothing kills the potential mood faster than seeing your partner engrossed in a game of Candy Crush.
"It's all or nothing when it comes to intimacy," says Tali Raphaely, president of Armour Title Company, a nationwide real estate title company. "What has worked for me is completely shutting down the phone, texts, emails, and social media and allowing myself to be completely present. In the past I tried to limit these distractions, but that simply didn't work. Only once I shut down the to-do list and technology completely on a given night am I able to enjoy intimacy with my girlfriend."
Start — and End — Your Day With Sex
For William Bauer, managing director for Royce Leather, intimacy is a must for mental well-being. "Intimacy is part of what drives my success," he explains. "I rely on my partner for extra incentive to push me through tough 18-hour workdays."
In fact, he says he makes a point to start and end most days with sex. "My partner goes to bed earlier than I even get home most nights, but I wake her up — sometimes much to her chagrin! — in order to ignite the intimacy," he says. "She knows that intimacy helps me thrive in my career and she's happy, for many reasons, to engage. When you crave intimacy and when you are as compellingly attracted to my partner as I am, you want it to happen as badly as you want to breathe. That intense passion also forces you to find a way to also get up earlier, maybe even at 5 am, to make it possible."
Plan Regular Date Nights
For John Di Frances, managing partner of consulting firm Di Frances & Associates, and his wife of 40 years, a Friday evening date night has allowed them to maintain their intimacy even with his busy schedule (which includes travel) and raising five children.
"There were some lean years when all we could afford was a baby-sitter, a hamburger, and walk in a park for our date, but regardless of our finances, we went out," he says. "In the course of any year there were only ever a few Friday nights we missed, due to holidays and illness. And when I traveled over a Friday, we would substitute another day of the week, if at all possible. This once-a-week date night gives us the stability of a set time together to reconnect, whatever the week held."
Go to Bed Early — and Naked
According to Anna,* an investment advisor who owns her own insurance company, having an early bedtime is crucial for maintaining a sex life. "Get in bed by 10 pm, unless you're out painting the town," she says. "Turn off the TV, light at least one candle — candle light is flattering to every age — and get naked every night."
This means no zoning out in front of late-night TV to wind down after a long day — she suggests taking your television out of the bedroom — and making a commitment to get yourself into bed and disrobed by your designated curfew. While sex doesn't have to take place every night, establishing a routine will make it more possible.
*Name has been changed.
Get Creative When Traveling
When you have a career that takes you all over the country, like Jaclyn Goldman does, you have to use various means to maintain an active sex life. As the national business development manager for a veterinary pharmaceutical company, covering all of Canada, she's discovered that she prefers long-distance relationships since she's never in one place anyway and enjoys her alone time for personal and professional development.
To keep the spark going over the long distance, she says she exchanged sexy pictures and would have Skype sex with her previous boyfriend of two years, who she saw only once a month. "This was crucial to keeping things hot between visits,” she says. “Otherwise you just slowly become friends. When we would see each other, it was almost like I was meeting him for a second date, again and again."
Now in the midst of what she calls a fling with a new guy, Goldman says they "keep the momentum going by sexting each other about once a week."
Don’t Wait Until It Gets Dark
Entrepreneur Belah Rose, author of Delight Your Husband, says timing is everything, especially since she and her husband have two young kids. “Often by evening I am too exhausted, but that connection time is too important to let go by the wayside," she says. "We do a lot of midday lovemaking because that's what works for both of us. He works evenings, so that's when our schedules overlap well. That is also when our boys — both under two years old — are sleeping, so we have time, energy, and quiet to connect.”
Let Your Partner Take the Lead
Nicole Sanders, a personal trainer who's owned and managed her own business, Ladimax Sports & Fitness, for two decades, says that having a partner who's willing to take the reins after she's had a long day makes all the difference.
"My day begins at 5 am and usually ends between 6:30 and 8:30 pm. When I travel I am usually gone three to seven days," she explains. "Needless to say, I am beat at the end of it all. I'm too tired to make a move, but not tired enough to not participate. Once I'm in the game, I'm in for at least an inning. Sometimes that’s all you need."
While she says that she doesn't think taking initiative should always fall to one person, she appreciates the fact that her partner is willing to do little things — like making dinner or putting on amazing perfume — that make her want to be close and intimate even when she's exhausted. "Whoever has the most gas in their tank," she says, "should start the engine first."
Make It a Priority and Sneak Away
Patrick Sweeney, a CEO for 15 years — for which he traveled 150,000 miles or more each year — and now the head and host of Adventure TV, learned the power of planning and preparation. The key is to make it a priority.
"My wife and I spend a lot more time now planning full weekends for ourselves, or even sneaking away at times during the normal weekly routine — for instance, we've booked a hotel on the way home from the airport just so we could have a few hours together." As he's realized, sometimes getting creative with how you sneak in sex might be necessary to maintain the same level of intimacy you had before your packed work schedule and kids.