How to Survive a Breakup (Part 2 of 2)

September 17, 2015

Connect Member

Emmy award winning journalist, producer and author of The New Single.

Fall is a wonderful time for renewal. If you are in transition after a relationship or any other life change, self-care can be the antidote to the overwhelm of emotions you may be experiencing. In my last article, I shared some helpful tips that guided me through a challenging personal transition — here is part two. Even if you just try one or two of these suggestions, you owe it to yourself to give your mind, body, and spirit what it needs.

6. Give Your Body What It Needs — Movement! 
Working out has always been an important part of my life. I have changed it up over the years from running to weights, and then cross training. But, after my breakup I realized that exercise was important to me mentally as well. I started devoting myself to yoga. Up until then, I had been a huge naysayer when it came to yoga. I used to think if I don't sweat, what's the point? Well, I could not have been proved more wrong.  Yoga allowed me to take that time I needed for myself. My goal is to unplug without apology and to focus on the poses and on my mantra each class.

7. Head to Toe 
Sounds silly, right? Hair and nails? What business do they have in a post breakup/divorce advice to finding yourself again? Turns out, they have a lot to do with it. Nurturing and pampering yourself is key, even when you have no time, no money, or no interest. Pedicures, manicures, haircuts, hair color, and blow- outs were a real relaxation for me. During a time when I didn't feel attractive inside or out, they gave me a little boost of self-confidence.

8. Go Green 
I also make my own shakes and I have learned about juicing, especially green or veggie juicing. After my divorce, I felt it was crucial if I was starting over to start over all around. I realized that eating right, concentrating on whole, unprocessed or minimally processed foods gave me energy to deal with life's stresses. I don't turn to french fries (though I eat them from time to time) when I am upset. I deal with the problem at hand in a methodical way. Eating right and taking vitamins as part of my daily regime is a lifestyle — not a diet or a temporary part of my life. It is like breathing. I just do it naturally because I know it's right for me.

9. Home Is Where the Heart Is and Where It Heals 
I have always been a minimalist. Clutter has never been a friend of mine. So, it came as a shock to me that my heart was very cluttered following my separation and eventually my divorce. I was not sure who I was, where I was going, or what to do next.

My home suddenly became very important to me both as a refuge and as a symbol of my new beginning. Either way, I was determined to start over again and declutter the things that were mentally and emotionally blocking me.

A writer friend of mine called me around the time I was rearranging my home and painting it a new color. When I told her what I was doing she said, "Tamsen, you can't paint away the memories of your marriage." Maybe not, but I could put a fresh coat of self-love into my life and that is exactly what I did.

10. Sexy Self-Talk

I am a big believer in the fact that everything starts from within, even, maybe especially, physical beauty. Despite the fact that I built my career in front of the camera, I truly believe that if you don’t have internal peace and happiness and come from a good place, your inner discontent will always come to the surface.

I decided to take control of my negative self-talk by composing a list of the things I should be saying (needless to say, I did not need a list of the negative stuff).

Here is my original list, with some additions from along the way. I believe that my self-talk has helped me on the job, in my personal life and in how others view me.

  • Protect yourself.
  • Today is the future.
  • You are living your life.
  • You can’t have other people make you complete.
  • You can’t fix people.
  • You can only fix you.
  • Decide what you want.
  • Go after it — 100 percent.
  • Stop seeking advice from everyone.
  • Don’t settle. Ever.
  • Stop confiding in everyone.

Keep a journal, diary, Post-it. I don’t care what it is — just keep track of yourself.

Go outside often. Take a walk with a friend. Force yourself to go out alone. Force yourself to go out with someone.

Remember that before you love yourself, you must like yourself. It is essential, just like it is when it comes to finding a relationship.

Tamsen Fadal is a member of the DailyWorth Connect program. Read more about the program here.