ATPT, Episode 4 – The Return of Mr. Bond

soap opera

Julie returns home after a disappointing date with Karl, but determined to research investing options for her 401k.

Julie: [sobbing at her computer] I’ll never understand it all! What’s a front-end load? Who is Wilshire? Oh my god—I have until tomorrow at noon to set up my 401k.

Julie’s cellphone rings. Oh! [wipes face] Hello, Mr. Bond. I was, um, just sort of thinking of you.

Bond: What a coincidence. If it’s not too late, perhaps we could meet for a quick night cap? Perhaps a small cap. Ahaha. A bit of investing humor.

[Julie agrees to meet Mr. Bond; they sit at a candlelit table.]

Julie: …So maybe Karen is right and I shouldn’t join the plan…?

Bond: [takes her hand] My dear, these choices aren’t set in stone. May I offer some advice?

Julie: Why not? Everyone else is!

Bond: The market is so volatile, set up the contributions to go into your 401k’s money market fund for now. That way, you’re saving automatically—with no risk. We’ll discuss where to invest when we meet next.

Julie: [leans forward to squeeze his arm] That’s brilliant—thank you for buying me some time. May I buy you another drink?

Bond: Not at all, this is my treat.

On the money. How did you choose your current investments? Did anyone hold your hand?

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Get caught up on back episodes of ATPT:
Episode 1
Episode 2
Episode 3

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